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| Donald Rumsfeld's Plea: Send Our Troops Your Scrap Metal |
| 01.25.05 (7:11 am) [edit] |
Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld, who earlier promised a quick response to the question posed to him in Kuwait by Tennessee National Guard Specialist Thomas Wilson, has announced the latest initiative in the Green Army Recycling Program (GARP). The Pentagon will shortly be sending the few troops left in the United States door to door to collect Americans scrap metal to send to the troops in Iraq.
Mr. Rumsfeld spoke as he finally wiped the last of the egg off his face after the question and answer period with his troops, "Our American Forces are the most resourceful soldiers on Earth and I believe there's no end to what they can accomplish as long as they have the supplies they need, and while we're manufacturing scrap metal in the form of blown out Humvees and supply trucks as fast as we can , the Army just doesn't have all the scrap metal we need to keep our troops safe. Therefore we're asking all Americans to sacrifice for the War Effort by donating any scrap steel they may have laying around in their backyards to the troops. We know, for example that especially in the Red States there are a great many junked cars and refrigerators just sitting around on peoples front lawns and porches. These supplies are vital to the War Effort, so we're asking: support your troops...give em your old Chevy and Frigidaire."
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " You see, this is why we kept Donny in the Defense post when everybody said he was a senile old whacko. That guy can sure come up with novel solutions to some of the most vexing problems facing the Administration. Everyone at home complains of pollution and all the troops in Iraq complain they're getting killed, so why not kill two birds with one stone? Now, I know that asking Bubba in Alabama to part with his old junked Ford F 250 is just about gonna kill him even if the things been up on blocks for ten years and is nothing more than a big planter sitting in the front yard but this is War man, and we all have to do our part. We in the White House already did our part by sending these guys into battle unprotected; now it's the publics turn to help."
Bubba in Alabama, speaking on the condition that nobody told his pals at the Dew Drop Inn that he knew what the word anonymity meant as it would make him sound like a Pointy Headed Yankee Liberal said, "well shit, I voter fer the little feller (Bush), or I woulda if I hadn't been drinkin all the night before and was too hung over to get to the polls, and I want to what I can to Support the Troops, but those fuckers better not try to touch the pickup. Why, that there truck is almost cherry...it just needs a front end, engine, new gas tank, doors, windshield and floor boards, some tires and a new rear end and it'll be like new, sorta." - http://www.unconfirmedsources...
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| Bush Admits He Needs More Human Intelligence |
| 01.23.05 (6:52 am) [edit] |
[i]Mr. Bush prepares for the inauguration[/i]
Wadington (Spoof International News)--President Bush admitted Tuesday that his administration would be bolstered with better Human intelligence.
"Human intelligence," Mr. Bush said, "is the one thing my administration needs more of. Being able to read the mail, memos, and all that paperwork stuff. It would be so much faster if we all had more intelligence."
The lack of human intelligence has been blamed by many for the mistaken belief in stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction in the former Iraqi republic. "I really, really, really thought they had WMDs over there. All the signs pointed to that. And I want to point out that we have, to a large degree, dismantled the Al Qaeda network. Now if we could just dismantle that Al-Jazeera network!," Mr. Bush went on. "When I was a boy I liked to dismantle things. Trouble was I couldn't put them back together! I hope Osama can't put them back together either."
Mr. Bush was asked about his plan to increase the level of human intelligence in his administration. "I'm glad you asked me that. Very glad. Now let me tell you. Umm, well I know that I'm taking up chess with Laura. Chess and scrabble. I think Dick and Condie are doing something. I've seen Don with the Reader's Digest...I think he's trying to put some new words in that vocabulary of his. Yes; I can assure you that we are very earnest."
Mr. Bush was asked how he and the remainder of the U.S. citizenry are now percieved throughout the world after the first 4 years of his administration. "I'm glad you asked me that. The propagandists...well, they've managed to convince the world that the USA isn't such a good place to be. They've managed to convince everyone that we don't love peace. Our war in Iraq shows that we do though! They've managed to convince everyone that elections are no more fair and legitimate in the US than any other country. Can't they just look at our election system though? Why can't they see it?"
Mr. Bush also admitted that he, in fact, is not perfect. In this way he likened himself to Ronald Reagan. "He had to make some tough decisions that, at the time, weren't perceived as very good ones. Like firing all the air traffic controllers. He made a real point by doing that," said Mr. Bush. "And I know I may have speaken a bit rough at times, during my first administration. I know I can do better though. Once the Scrabble kicks in."
[i]Satire by Chief Cheese, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| President for Life Bush begins Second Term with Mass Purges |
| 01.23.05 (6:46 am) [edit] |
[i]Self-proclaimed "President for Life" Bush and his supporters celebrate the begining of the Thousand Year Term[/i]
Washington D.C.- In a stunning move, President Bush has declared himself "President for Life" and announced numerous changes in the American way of life. Using his inaugural speech to tell the country about the new "Freedom Reforms", President for Life Bush spoke about the many things that will be changing, for the better. "Now is the time to show America's resolve, not only overseas but here on the homefront as well, you are either with the party, or against us." As protesters at the inauguration begin to protest and shout profanities at the president, members of the Department of Homeland Securitys', Freedom Legion quickly arrested them and they were swiftly placed in to large holding facilities. "We must show the terrorists a united America, without all this partisan squabbling." President for Life Bush said.
All citizens will now be required to carry identification cards, join the republican party, and become Christians. Newly appointed Minister of Truth Dick Cheney announced that starting next month, trials will be held for enemies of the state. "We have uncovered a plot at the Democratic National Headquarters and we were able to capture their fiery leader Howard Dean. Let the people of America breathe a sigh of relief, the terror of socialism is being extinguished." Other Democratic leaders who have been arrested include, Senators John Kerry and Ted Kennedy and Hilary Clinton as well as most of the democratic wing of the House of Representatives. All citizens who are a part of the Democratic party or Green party are being rounded up and sent to re-education centers around the country.
President for Life Bush has also announced that he will not leave office in 2008. "It would be completely irresponsible to leave the Oval Office in the middle of war. I will stay your exulted leader for as long as it takes." The President has also suspended all institutions of secondary education and all men ages 18-28 are involuntarily signing up for the armed forces. "Wherever freedom is threatened you can expect the feared armies of the United States to be there." Chief of Armed Forces Donald Rumsfled boldly stated.
Critics have called Bush's new moves to be unconstitutional and that he is really just eroding freedom to enhance his own power. Senator John McCain a Vietnam war veteran was enraged, "Everything I fought for in that war is being completely destroyed, I can not believe the President is doing this." Shortly after that, Minister of Truth Dick Cheney announced that it had been discovered that Sen. McCain was a part of an Al-Qaeda cell and that he was unfortenately shot when he fought against officers from the Freedom Legion attempting to question him.
All television services have been taken over by the government and now citizens will be able to choose from two channels, BushTV1 and BushTV2. In a televised speech, President for Life Bush encouraged citizens to "Look forward, to the time when the American empire spans the entire world and when we will no longer have to fear the deeds of the evil-doers."
[i]Satire by Kuba, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Christian Conservatives Want Barney's Genitalia!!! *&@#!^&*( |
| 01.23.05 (6:41 am) [edit] |
[i]"Look, no genitalia[/i]!"
Christian Conservative gangs in the US are marching the streets armed with machetes and automatic weapons in search of SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney, and other suspected homosexual characters.
The mobs, spurred on by right-wing bible-bashing liberal-hating James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family Christian group, are determined to string up the characters and chop off their genitalia.
Their anger stems from the recording of a music video featuring SpongeBob, Barney, Bob the Builder and many other characters whose sexuality, according to Mr Dobson, is questionable. The video is to be sent to US schools to promote tolerance.
In Texas, one mob frenziedly hacked a large piece of cheese that was sticking out of a bin, believing it to be SpongeBob in hiding. Another mob, in Ohio, surrounded a group of workmen digging up a street and demanded that Bob the Builder be handed over.
One mob member, the Reverend Billy Goodman told The Spoof: “We got God on our side and we got machetes. Blunt machetes. It's gonna hurt that sick perverted gay yellow hole filled piece of sh-”
“Please, Billy. Mind your language. Don't forget that the Good Lord doesn't like bad language,” interrupted Jenny Goodman, the Reverend's wife. “We're just gonna cut off his particulars, that's all.”
But the mob's blood-lust is unlikely to be satiated for two reasons. Firstly, the characters have no genitalia. And secondly, the characters have a friend in a very high place.
President Bush is a huge fan of both Barney and SpongeBob. He regularly sits in front of the TV, eating a bowl of Cheerios while watching his colourful friends dance about in Makebelieveland. It is even rumoured that he has had the pair over for dinner at the White House.
A source close to the president told The Spoof that Barney and SpongeBob have been hidden amongst the thousands of cuddly toys in the president's bedroom, outside which a CIA agent stands guard.
Earlier today, before the characters went into hiding, a Spoof reporter asked SpongeBob and Barney how they felt about the mob's threats. Both were defiant. Said SpongeBob: “We don't care! We can't die. And they can't chop off our genitalia, because we don't have any.” Barney sang a song about having no genitalia.
[i]Satire by Joe Dent, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Bush Accuses Saddam of Telling the Truth |
| 01.14.05 (7:02 am) [edit] |
[b]Evildoer Knowingly Came Clean on WMD's, President Charges[/b]
Just hours after confirming that the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq was over, President George W. Bush leveled his harshest charge ever at Saddam Hussein, accusing the former Iraqi dictator of "knowingly telling the truth" about not possessing WMD in the months leading up to the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq.
"After years of lying about his weapons, Saddam Hussein willfully decided to tell the truth about them," Mr. Bush said. "His treachery knows no bounds."
After Mr. Bush excoriated Saddam for his "wanton truth-telling," he added that "thanks to the work of our coalition, Mr. Saddam Hussein will never be free to tell the truth again."
Mr. Bush argued that even though the stated reason for invading Iraq no longer applied, preventing the former Iraqi strongman from telling the truth in the future was "reason enough" to go to war.
"In the wrong hands, the truth can destabilize regions and even destroy entire civilizations," Mr. Bush said. "In that respect, the truth itself is a weapon of mass destruction – one that Mr. Saddam Hussein will never be able to use again."
The president concluded his remarks with tough words for North Korea's Kim Jong-Il, whom Mr. Bush accused of telling the truth about his own weapons program.
Naming Mr. Kim a member of what he called "The Axis of Veracity," Mr. Bush urged the North Korean madman to cease and desist telling the truth and to "join the community of truth-fearing nations."
Elsewhere, organizers of this weekend's tsunami telethon confirmed that Fox's Bill O'Reilly would participate but would not be allowed anywhere near the telephones.
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.yubanet.com/artman...
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| WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCES SALE OF U.S. ARMY TO CHINA |
| 12.30.04 (7:41 am) [edit] |
"[i]Who's the Superpower now, you lunning dog loser[/i]."
The White House has issued a statement yesterday revealing it’s plans to reduce it’s massive National Debt by selling off various governmental assets. George W. Bush is expected to hold a news conference later today announcing the sale of the United States military forces, including the National Guard and Coast Guard, to China. The deal, worth an estimated three hundred and sixty billion dollars over three years is expected to be completed by January 15th, 2005. The deal must be ratified by the Republican led Congress but all reports suggest it will pass easily.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “ I suppose you’re gonna make this all sound worse than it is in your piddling little column, but you gotta think about it from our side. What are the two biggest problems facing the Administration today? That’s right, the War in Iraq and the economy. We’re losing about fifteen billion dollars a month. Well, if we can pop two hundred and fifty billion back into bank that’ll put us back to where we were two years ago, debt wise. In addition we reduce our monthly nut by billions. On the War side, one of two things are going to happen...either the Chinese will sort out the mess we made of Iraq and the war is over or things will go on the way they’ve been going, only now the Chinese get the blame, not George Bush.
Continuing to be anonymous Waterhouse went on, “ Now, I know there are gonna be a lot of questions about this sale. For instance military wives are already trying to figure out whether they’re now Chinese citizens or Americans. The short answer is: start learning to speak Mandarin, kids. The Administration will however be issuing green cards to the former Americans and their immediate families good for the next six months so they can get their affairs in order. After all, we’re not completely heatless. Of course when the cards expire, they’re immediately deported to Peking. If they don’t like it, let em go to Tiananmen Square and protest it”
Opinion in the military is divided over the sale. Many top generals are worried that their seniority will be reduced in the move, but the average grunt on the streets of Fallujah seem to be receptive to the deal. Said Private H. Elpme, “First off, I’ve always loved Kung Pao Chicken and they don’t make a MRE with that in it, so that’s good. On the actual war front, anything’s better than Donald Rumsfeld.”
[i]Satire by Chuck Terzella, TheSpoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| FAILED MISSILE DEFENSE ROCKET WINS PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL OF FREEDOM |
| 12.30.04 (7:31 am) [edit] |
[b]Latest White House Ceremony Raises Eyebrows[/b]
An interceptor rocket that failed to launch last week during a test of a proposed missile defense system confounded its critics today by receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom in a ceremony at the White House.
President George W. Bush presided over the ceremony, placing the Medal of Freedom around the part of the rocket that would be its neck if rockets had necks.
As he presented the medal, Mr. Bush made no mention of the interceptor rocket’s refusal to leave the ground, saying only that the missile had “made our country more secure and advanced the cause of human liberty.”
The award, the first of its kind given to an inanimate object that was involved in an abortive missile test, raised more than a few eyebrows in official Washington, especially amid rumors that President Bush was about to award Presidential Medals of Freedom to actor Ben Affleck and recording artist Afroman.
According to a source close to the president, Mr. Bush believes that Mr. Affleck, by starring in the 2003 film “Gigli,” and Afroman, by recording the 2001 novelty hit “Because I Got High,” “made our country more secure and advanced the cause of human liberty.”
While Presidential Medals of Freedom are given solely at the president’s discretion, experts worry that at Mr. Bush’s current pace the U.S. will run out of Presidential Medals of Freedom by early 2006 and will have to start importing them from Canada.
Elsewhere, a new study shows that aspects of the U.S. military are outmoded and in need of replacement, such as Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld.
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.borowitzreport.com...
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| Bush’s Second Term Plan |
| 12.19.04 (6:21 am) [edit] |
Bush releases his plans for his second term.
The Constitution shall be changed so Presidential term limits are extended to three six year terms. This will result in Bush’s first term being extended to January 20th 2006, with his second term ending January 20th 2012. However, this means backtracking since this dictation shall be done after his second term inauguration.
A 50% federal income tax shall be imposed any person who has never served in the U.S. armed forces. Those defaulting on the income tax shall be subject to treason, resulting in loss of U.S. citizenship, thus being subject to deportation back to the country their ancestors came from. Elected officials will be exempt from the tax.
Creationism shall be taught in all public schools. Out of school practice of non-Methodist religions shall result in expulsion.
The Pledge of Allegiance shall be changed to read, “…one nation under Bush [whatever current President], indivisible, with liberty and justice for America”.
All future former Presidents [next shall be Bush] shall automatically be declared Vice-President of the U.S.; voting for Vice-President shall be completely eliminated.
Bush to annex Canada’s British Columbia in order to build a “land bridge” to Alaska. Reasons being to insure national security of all states.
Bush orders the building of a bridge from California to Hawaii to insure national security.
Creation of a No-College-Student-Left-B ehind which shall require mandatory service in the armed forces. All college students shall be subject to this, male or female, citizen or foreigner. College students failing to participate in mandatory service shall be subject to expulsion with a $200,000 fine.
Laws shall be changed to allow collection of debts to be extended to one’s extended family. Failure to pay the full fine shall result in repossession of one’s family’s property/money. This shall extend from one’s grandparents to one’s offspring, including all of one’s first cousins.
Governors of states shall be appointed by the President rather than being elected by the state’s citizens.
All U.S. citizens shall be subject to the Barcode Act secretly passed November 1st 2004. The Barcode Act allows the U.S. Government to tag all citizens who cause trouble or are suspect of a crime. This shall include all protestors. The tag shall include GPS as to physically track all tagged citizens.
[i]Satire by Antony-Kyre, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| White House Supports Network Television Ban of Christian Films |
| 12.18.04 (6:50 am) [edit] |
[i]Moses Puts the Smite on the Bill of Rights[/i]
Christian Conservative groups were outraged when their Family Values Campaign apparently backfired today, resulting in the cancellation of most Bible based films from network television such as Moses, The Greatest Story Ever Told and The Robe. Network Television executives, fresh off their banning of Saving Private Ryan on Veteran’s Day due to language and violence have determined that Bible based films suffer the same failings.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “ We in the Bush Administration wholeheartedly support the Networks in their decision to not show these gory and violent films. Hollywood has to realize that it’s a new day in America and they can’t just throw any blood filled crap on the air to scare our poor innocent children. I mean think about it...John the Baptist gets his head cut off, Jesus is whipped and nailed to a cross, Egyptians with boils, it’s disgusting; why, it’s almost as horrifying as Janet Jackson’s nipple! “
Continuing to anonymously speak, Waterhouse continued, “ We are encouraging parents to boycott any station that shows violent content in whatever form, whether it’s the Passion of Christ or Saving Private Ryan. Parents should let their kids just play computer games instead like Mortal Kombat or Doom. We would’ve suggested the Syms as well but we’ve got a sneaking suspicion they’re Jewish.
When informed that Conservative Christians wanted to see Jesus get whipped and nailed to a cross and die and John the Baptist get his head cut off but not Janet Jackson’s nipple, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that he was completely befuddled said, “ Wait a minute, you’re telling me that three hours of a guy getting his head cut off or nailed to a cross is okay, but three seconds of a cute Black chick’s nipple isn’t? You must have your facts wrong. Why would Christians want to see their Savior sliced and diced? That would be as stupid as saying, oh... I don’t know, that killing an unborn child is wrong but killing tens of thousands of Iraqi women and children in the name of Freedom is fine. Who would think that way? Violence is violence, unless of course George Bush is the one committing it, and should be banned.”
Christian Conservative Groups responded to Waterhouse’s comments by marching to Washington to flog and nail him to a cross for getting it wrong.
[i]Satire by Chuck Terzella, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| RUMSFELD DEMANDS FULL BODY ARMOR FOR NEXT MEETING WITH TROOPS |
| 12.16.04 (8:32 am) [edit] |
[b]Felt ‘Unprotected,’ Defense Secretary Says[/b]
Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld blasted the White House today for not providing him with full body armor for his acrimonious question-and-answer session with troops in Kuwait this week, saying that the lack of body armor put him in a potentially perilous situation.
“I felt totally unprotected out there,” Secretary Rumsfeld said. “You cannot send a Secretary of Defense out on a mission like that without full body armor.”
Secretary Rumsfeld said he had spent hours scavenging around Kuwait City looking for body armor before his meeting with troops, and warned that he would “think twice” before engaging in another question-and-answer session without adequate protection.
The Secretary of Defense added that if the White House did not provide him with full body armor immediately, the next time he spoke to troops he would do it from inside a Bradley fighting vehicle.
At the White House, President George W. Bush said that a full body armor suit had in fact been ordered for Secretary Rumsfeld, but that it no longer fit because Mr. Rumsfeld ate too much at Thanksgiving.
Mr. Bush added that until a new body armor suit was ready, Mr. Rumsfeld would have to make do with a Brooks Brothers suit for future encounters with troops.
“You go to war with the Secretary of Defense you have,” he said.
Elsewhere, congressional leaders expressed hope that the just-passed intelligence reform bill would provide accurate, up-to-date intelligence reports for the president not to read.
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.borowitzreport.com...
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| Latest Administration Resignation: George W. Bush |
| 12.14.04 (10:50 am) [edit] |
"[i]Color Me Gone[/i]"
The latest and perhaps most surprising resignation of the new Administration was handed in earlier today. President George W. Bush has signaled that he too has decided not return for a second term in the White House, following the likes of Secretary of State Colin Powell, Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge, Treasury Secretary John Snow and UN Ambassador John Danforth.
It was rumored that although he was asked to stay by White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove and Vice President Dick Cheney, Mr. Bush still submitted and accepted his own letter of resignation, citing the need to spend more time with his family. Mr. Bush’s family also urged him to stay on the job, citing their need to not have him around if at all possible.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “We in the White House are saddened by the President’s resignation. While it’s true that Karl Rove and Dick Cheney have always run the day to day and long term operations here so no one will actually notice his absence, we’re sure gonna miss the little guy. He was just fun to have around... running through the West Wing halls, waving that little sword, dressing up in his darling uniforms and sitting on that phone book behind his desk issuing Executive Orders, or Erectuative Porters as he would call them. God, he was just so cute.”
Mr. Bush’s Evangelical Christian base, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “As long as all the abortion doctors are put on death row and no lives will be saved by stem cell research, we don’t give a fuck who runs the world.”
While his actual influence on policy was negligible, as those decisions have been and will continue to be made by Halliburton and the Shell Corporation, President Bush was arguably the most well known face in the Administration. In the wake of his surprise departure White House officials have been left scrambling to find another front man.
Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of never ending anonymity continued, “We’ve been spit balling names of candidates to front for our secret agenda. We contacted Mickey Rooney hoping to keep the short and dopey thing going but he told us to piss off. Then we tried to get Nancy Reagan to let us dig up and stuff Ronnie, but her astrologer said it wasn’t in the stars. Now it seems that the front runner is William O’Dell, the CEO of DieBold. After all, as he pointed out, he’s the guy who really won the election anyway; the actual name on the ballot had nothing to do with the amount of votes cast.”
[i]Satire by Chuck Terzella, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| DIM-WITTED BUSH TO GOOGLE FUTURE NOMINEES ... |
| 12.14.04 (10:43 am) [edit] |
[b]Kerik + Nanny Yields 20,000 Web Pages [/b]
After the embarrassing flap over the nomination of Bernard Kerik as the new Homeland Security Secretary, President George W. Bush announced today that the White House would take the extraordinary step of Googling all future Cabinet nominees.
“Looking back on it, I wish we had Googled Bernard Kerik,” the president said today. “It would’ve saved us a lot of grief all around.”
Mr. Bush said that he would have Googled Mr. Kerik earlier, but that he only learned of the existence of the Google search engine on Friday, long after the Kerik appointment had been made public.
“I guess I have a lot to learn about the Internets,” Mr. Bush said.
Instead of silencing critics, however, the president’s comments only emboldened those who had been urging the Administration to Google prospective nominees for months.
According to those critics, a simple Google search using the words “Kerik + Nanny”, for example, yields over 20,000 separate web pages, while a search using the words “Kerik + Conflict + Interest” yields over 900,000 pages.
At the firestorm over the failure to Google Mr. Kerik raged, White House spokesman Scott McClellan denied that the Administration did not do a thorough job of vetting the former police commissioner: “We asked Jeeves if he was okay, and Jeeves said he was.”
Mr. McClellan added that the White House is now considering nominating only candidates who do not have a nanny, but added, “That would mean picking a Democrat.”
Elsewhere, the Labor Department announced that unemployment surged in the last month but attributed much of the increase to the Bush cabinet.
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.borowitzreport.com...
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| Bush to America: Support Your Troops...We Can't |
| 12.13.04 (1:01 pm) [edit] |
[i]It's Time To Reform His Intelligence[/i]
George W. Bush, speaking at California’s Camp Pendleton, asked Americans to “Support our Troops”. In a speech to the assembled soldiers Mr. Bush said, “Americans need to give our troops the support they need. We in the government would like to support them, but I gave away all of the governments money and then some in the first term, so we in Washington can’t really afford to support our troops anymore. So, we’re asking all Americans to bring covered dishes, you know, like casseroles, to their nearest military base to help feed the troops. And bullets. If any of you guys have some bullets or spare flak jackets that would be helpful. Cash too...the soldiers always need cash. Hell, I could use some myself, heh, heh.”
The President’s plea for Americans to make more sacrifices marks a turnaround for the Administration. It will be remembered that in the wake of September 11th and the during the initial attack on Afghanistan Mr. Bush urged American citizens to go shopping and out to dinner citing the fact that if Americans denied themselves their creature comforts then, “the Terrorists will have won.” In the Camp Pendleton speech, which was given on December 7th, the sixty third anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, Mr. Bush seemed to echo Democratic President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s calls for sacrifice during the forties, tacitly admitting that the Iraq War is turning out to be as long and hard a slog as World War II was. Of course in that war, Japan was the one who attacked preemptively and we all know how well that worked out for them.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “You know, it’s weird. Before the election we in the Administration had no idea that the War was going badly. If we did, of course we would have told the American people. We also thought that jobs creation was up, the dollar was strong, the environment was in good shape and the rest of the world loved us. Things started to change, oh, I don’t know...the minute John Kerry conceded the election. September and October jobs numbers were revised downward, the Euro became the currency of choice, Iraq fell apart, nobody seems to like us anymore and of course Alaska is melting and polar bears will be extinct by 2010. So, in a real way all of these bad things can be traced back to John Kerry.”
John Kerry, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “ I told you fucking idiots in the Red States that we were in trouble, but did you listen? Noooo. Now you’ve kept a President that has preemptively aborted thousands of Iraqi children by blowing up their mothers and fathers, you’ll all probably die of diseases that stem cell research might have cured like skin cancer due to ozone depletion and you won’t be able to afford Chinese slave manufactured goods cause your money is worthless. Congratulations you bozo’s and Happy New Year.”
[i]Satire by Chuck Terzella, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Rummy's Retort ... (CARTOON) ... OUCH!!! |
| 12.13.04 (12:44 pm) [edit] |
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| DUBYA'S RECORD-BREAKER ... (And No End in Sight!) ... |
| 12.08.04 (1:16 pm) [edit] |
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| UN Ambassador Resigns: No One Will Play With Him |
| 12.04.04 (6:59 am) [edit] |
[i]"Mr. President, No One Likes You."[/i]
The United States Ambassador to the United Nations has tendered his resignation to the Bush Administration after only six months on the job. John Danforth, a former Senator from Missouri and once thought to be in line for the post of Secretary of State, cited the desire to spend more time with his family as his reason for departing the post. However, as Mr. Danforth has also recently stated his intentions to depart on a yearlong Yak hunting trip to Upper Mongolia, some of the more cynical Washington insiders have postulated that there may be other reasons for his departure.
When he first accepted the post Ambassador Danforth reportedly told President Bush, “The book on you is that you go it alone and don’t much believe in the UN.” Those same reports suggest that Mr. Bush assured Mr. Danforth at that time that he wanted to build a stronger relationship with the United Nations to help fight the War on Terrorism and improve ties with France. Apparently the fact that President Bush had a sense of humor and could say that with a straight face is what convinced Mr. Danforth, a man who always enjoyed a good joke, to take the job.
But Mr. Danforth’s term has been somewhat less than fun filled. A close friend of his has said that, “ Poor John has had a hard time at the UN. None of the other members will talk to him in the halls, and several times he’s been crowded and pushed on the stairs, sending his Top Secret papers flying all over the floor. In the UN cafeteria they’ve ostracized him and once or twice have taped signs on his back saying things like ‘I work for a Hitler wannabe’ and ‘My Boss can’t even spell UN’. Ambassadors can be so cruel sometimes.”
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “We in the White House are gonna miss John. He came to the job full of hope that he could really do some good. He was sure that the United States could once again become a respected leader in global affairs and that relationships with our ‘Allies’ in Old Europe could be mended. What a misguided dope.”
[i]Satire by Chuck Terzella, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| BUSH FILLS REMAINING CABINET POSTS WITH SELF |
| 12.04.04 (6:52 am) [edit] |
[b]Introduces Self Seven Times in White House [/b]
CeremonyBreaking with time-honored tradition, President George W. Bush announced today that he would fill all remaining Cabinet positions for his second term with himself.
Aides to the president said that the goal of appointing himself to the seven vacant positions was to achieve greater harmony within his Cabinet, and also to limit the number of people who could possibly write tell-all memoirs at a later date.
In addition to serving as president, Mr. Bush will now occupy many other senior positions in his administration including Secretary of Defense, Secretary of the Treasury, Secretary of Labor, and Postmaster General.
The president chose himself to head every available Cabinet-level department with the exception of the Environment Protection Agency, a job that the president said “was for losers.”
In his historic announcement at the White House, Mr. Bush introduced himself seven times to reporters and said that in his first official act as Treasury Secretary he would change the motto on U.S. coins and currency from “E Pluribus Unum” to “My Way or the Highway.”
Dr. Edwin Kragen, a professor of political science at the University of Minnesota, said that the president’s decision to hire himself seven times may turn out to be his boldest stroke to date.
“While he may not get the diversity of opinion one wants at Cabinet meetings, on the positive side, he won’t need as many chairs and glasses of water,” Dr. Kragen said.
Elsewhere, at the New York Stock Exchange yesterday Vice President Dick Cheney rose eight dollars a share in active trading.
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.borowitzreport.com...
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| IRAQI ELECTIONS DELAYED TO ALLOW TIME FOR NEGATIVE ADS |
| 12.02.04 (7:25 am) [edit] |
[b]Swift Boat Veterans Parachute into Baghdad [/b]
The Iraqi elections, originally set for January 2005, have been delayed six months to give the Iraqi people enough time to produce and air negative political ads, the White House announced today.
“The purpose of these elections is to foster democracy in Iraq, but without negative ads, there is no democracy,” said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.
The decision to delay the Iraqi vote was the brainchild of White House political strategist Karl Rove, who said he was “dismayed” by the state of Iraqi’s negative advertising infrastructure.
“Their understanding of how to use distortions, unflattering photographs and scary-sounding announcers is rudimentary at best,” Mr. Rove said. “If the elections were to go forward without professionally-produced attack ads, the whole process would be seen as a sham.”
In order to teach the Iraqi people how to make corrosive, below-the-belt television spots, Mr. Rove has ordered the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, a group whose ads proved particularly effective during the 2004 presidential campaign, to parachute into Baghdad at once.
Davis Hartnett, a spokesman for the veterans group, said that they were already helping Iraqi citizens produce a series of negative ads attacking the Vietnam record of one potential presidential candidate, the Shiite politician Hassan Yousif.
Reached at his campaign headquarters in Mosul, Mr. Yousif angrily called the ads “the work of madmen,” telling reporters, “I did not even serve in Vietnam.”
“Our point exactly,” Mr. Hartnett said.
Elsewhere, in a major policy shift, the government of Pakistan said it would no longer pretend to be looking for Osama bin Laden.
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.borowitzreport.com...
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| Tom DeLay Takes Charge and more Charges! |
| 12.02.04 (7:22 am) [edit] |
During a recent ethics subcommittee meeting, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay sought a loyalty pledge to President Bush from all members. As part of this pledge, subcommittee members were asked to give their souls to Jesus and their asses to the Republican cause. When Democrats suggested the later was a bit too much, DeLay ordered them to be strip-searched and marched naked through the Senate. When asked by Senate Majority Leader Dennis Hassert why he had resorted to such a demeaning tactic, DeLay replied, “Jesus told me to do it!” At that Hassert acknowledged that Jesus, indeed, now had the “political capital” to determine marching the Democrats through the Senate naked was appropriate. Hassert did say he would be verifying this with the Reverend Jerry Falwall.
The House debated a measure that would have installed DeLay as the provisional Attorney General for Texas under marital law. This was shelved for a later vote. Travis County District Attorney Ronnie Earl would be placed under mandatory indefinite house arrest if the bill had passed thereby rendering his possible indictment of Tom DeLay an unlikely event. Reached for comment, Mr. DeLay simply said, ”This action may become necessary to counter a nasty, wholly untrue and partisan attack on my illegal activities.”
“I’m Tom DeLay, son. I make laws. I change laws. Haven’t you heard of the DeLay Protection Act? The very idea that some peon like a District Attorney would think they could impugn my character just because I broke a few silly Texas campaign finance laws is ridiculous. Those laws were never meant to apply to [i][b]me[/b][/i]. We’re talkin’ the[i][b] intent [/b][/i]of the law. If that Ronnie Earl wants to make a case against me, he’s got to get past every Republican [i][b]and Democrat [/b][/i]I got under my thumb!” DeLay retorted.
Just prior to the recent election, three of DeLay’s closest political operatives were indicted for campaign finance violations with seemingly solid evidence. At that time Mr. DeLay’s office issued a statement that “These charges are laughable. These men did nothing that hasn’t been done in Texas for a hundred years. These cases have no merit and we’ll stand by these gentlemen until just after their appeals are completed.”
Attempts to reach the three DeLay aides by telephone were unsuccessful, however, an anonymous caller suggested this reporter visit Hooks Airport, a small municipal airport outside Houston. There I found the three men waiting for a chartered Aero Costa Rica jet to take them on a two-month long vacation. The three men asked they not be directly quoted but reluctantly did agree to be interviewed by this reporter.
Q: Why are you going to Costa Rica and out of this airport? Isn’t a charter more expensive?
A: “Ah…yes. We are going to a special meeting of the Political Asylum Program to work out…details. We're going to kinda take a vacation and hang out...you know...relieve stress and stuff. Mr. DeLay was kind enough to allow us the use of his jet for the trip.”
Q: So Mr. DeLay owns an Aero Costa Rica Airlines jet?
A: “Yes…No, not really, but his banker in Costa Rica allows him to use his jet for his monthly trips to Costa Rica. We’re just bumming a ride since Mr. DeLay is busy defending himself in Washington today.”
Q: If you are all going on vacation, shouldn’t you have more luggage? You each have what appear to be rather large and heavy briefcases, but are dressed in business suits. What do you intend to do in Costa Rica?
A: “We are…ah…planning to visit a bank, maybe catch the latest movie and just hang out at the hotel bar.”
Q: Why would you visit a bank? Hey…and why are each of you handcuffed to your briefcases?
A: “Here’s our plane! Thank you for giving us the opportunity to talk to you. Tell our families we’ll be back real soon and ‘Hasta La Vista’!”
With that the men simply ran to the waiting jet whose door opened and an armed guard quickly escorted the men inside. The door shut and the plane departed without shutting down the engines.
When Mr. DeLay was asked about the suspicious nature of his aides’ departure, he responded, “What the hell! Don’t you liberal; left wing media types have nothing better to do than to harass decent hardworking Republicans? Why shouldn’t these men take a vacation? They earned it, not like you welfare wantin’, tree huggin’, dope tokin’ Democrats.
This reporter will stay on this story and attempt to gain some insight into the ever-changing character of Congressman Tom DeLay.
[i]Satire by FastrBud, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Bush Visits Canada; People Vomit ... |
| 12.02.04 (7:18 am) [edit] |
HALIFAX, Nova Scrotia- Bush praised Canadians today in Halifax of their assistance after 9/11. Half of the population was very pissed off of his arrival. But most Canadian-Bush-Haters flopped their opinions Kerry style when Bush explained "blah blah boogey boogey I love hockey."
"[i]blah blah boogey boogey I love hockey[/i]."
Heads turned, bombs went off, protest signs fell after hearing what the Texan President said. President Bush gave a quirky smile, and added, "Peaceful nations must keep the peace by going after the terrorists and disrupting their plans and cutting off their funding."
He also explained that Canada and the U.S. have had their differences in the past. But hoped to one day see eye to eye. He suspiciously added that if he had to, he would stoop down to Prime Minister Paul Martin's height. Noone laughed. The audience was not sure whether or not the remark was supposed to be funny. Bush then droned on for about an hour about how Canadians are good people.
"There's only one way to deal with enemies who plot in secret," he said. "We must take the fight to them. We must be relentless and we must be steadfast in our duty to protect our people, [and that's why I am here in Canada]." Ok, I'm not sure if he really said that. But it'd be funny wouldn't it?
After that, everybody fell back to sleep. Bush, nervous, not knowing what to do, commented on Prime Minister Paul Martin's wife's cooking. Afterwards everybody started "regurjatating" and falling over into siezures. Apparently unconfirmed sources say the Prime Minister Paul Martin's wife's cooking is notoriously bad. Bush appoligized and added how much he loved hockey. Again, the crowd applaused the president.
Bush quickly added, "This is the bestest relationship U.S. and Canadians have ever have, ay?" I guess it seems the U.S. is once again best buds with Canada. Rejoice.
[i]Satire by Jan-Michael, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Poodle Brothers in Diplomatic Quandry |
| 11.16.04 (6:23 am) [edit] |
[b]Washington DC, Friday (Rioters)[/b] - President George W Bush and his canine sibling Tony Blair were locked in frantic secret discussions at the Oval Office today following the leaking of news that the US has forfeited ownership of its London ambassadorial residence Winfield House. The move comes after a series of lawsuits against the previous incumbent, ex-Ambassador William Stamps Farish III, who was unceremoniously ousted from the UK last July for harassing his neighbours in Regents Park, befouling the local Residents' Association with a smear campaign against some of its most famous members and poisoning the fish in the Boating Lake with weapons grade anthrax left over from an Official Banquet for John Kerry supporters belonging to the local branch of Democrats Abroad.
Never before in the hisory of US-UK relations have things looked so bleary in the diplomatic accommodation department as Blair and Bush seek ways to break the news to the media that temporary lodgings may have to be rented from executors of the later Robert Maxwell's estate. A two bed former show home in East London's Isle of Dogs is the current frontrunner given a painfuly low relocation budget imposed on the Bush administration by the cash-strapped Pentagon which has spent all the money allocated for diplomatic expenditure on dredging the Boating Lake and decontamination of toxic venom left by Ambassador Farish's wife Sarah.
Sources close to Blair said this morning that, as a stop gap, the next Ambassador would be welcome to stay in special secure accommodation normally reserved for Belmarsh Jail's Rule 43 inmates at the Tower of London, or at the Ronald Reagan Memorial Suite in South London's Maudsley Hospital for Psychosomatic Diseases. This would be based on the assumtion that either the Reverend Pat Robertson or the President's brother Neil Bush would be chosen as the next US Ambassador to the Court of St James's.
"There's only a few days left before the news becomes official", said a nervous White House source, referring to the growing anxiety among the US Diplomatic Corps that their former supremo Farish is to feature in a UK TV This Is Your Life spectacular which will oust his blunders and name him as the first American envoy to get caught red-handed by Royal Parks Police investigating links between the Sicilian Mafia, yellowcake uranium smuggling and financial supporters of the International Kabbalah Movement.
Blair is expected to make a full statement on the matter on his return to the UK tomorrow but must await developments arising from sending his official Envoy to the Middle East, Lord Levy, to Yasser Arafat's funeral in Cairo today.
Cherry Bush is said to be hopping mad.
[i]Satire by queen mudder, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Love Thy Neighbors, But Must We Become Like Them? |
| 11.16.04 (6:14 am) [edit] |
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| President Bush announces new Fallujah war game "Fallujahstein" |
| 11.11.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
[b]WASHINGTON [/b]- The new Washington, D.C. gaming website, WhiteHouseWarGames.gov, today announced the release of their first software war adventure,[i] Fallujahstein[/i], a multi-player online action shoot-'em-up game, and the first of many titles available from WhiteHouseWarGames.gov.
[i]Look for Fallujahstein at a Wal-Mart near you[/i].
WhiteHouseWarGames.gov, an Internet gaming website formed by President George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney, was created in 2002 when they "saw the need to bring more reality games to the general public," according to Donald Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld added that WhiteHouseWarGames.gov promises that [i]Fallujahstein[/i] is "only the first in a wave of exciting new war adventures to be released in the coming months."
[i]Fallujahstein[/i], with its excellent graphics and keen virtual representation of actual war, is based on the battle of Fallujah, and offers an online multi-player feature that can accommodate an infinite number of gamers. Gaming critics and beta testers hail [i]Fallujahstein[/i] as "the most authentic war game available for civilian enjoyment" and "a real boon to game technology because it offers so many unique 3D gaming options."
Some of the many features of[i] Fallujahstein [/i]include a gamer's choice of level difficulty depending on choice of Fallujah troop type. They are: EASY - Full-time military; MEDIUM - National Guard; HARD - Future Draftees; and IMPOSSIBLE - Iraqi forces. Also, Fallujah troop type includes a wide variety of interrogation choices for captured enemies such as water torture, partial flaying, electric shock, and beheading, and it also provides special wild card torture options under the heading "Abu Ghraib." President Bush said the latter resulted from both actual practices at "the real Abu Ghraib," and "yet-to-be implemented prisoner humiliation and torture suggestions sent to the White House from soldiers assigned to Abu Ghraib."
"Our troops are a creative bunch," said Bush, "and their torture and prisoner humiliation contributions are a true example of how talented they are as American freedom fighters."
Although [i]Fallujahstein[/i] is expected to break current sales records in the war games category, WhiteHouseWarGames.gov is ready with other Iraq war and action titles currently being tweaked for release including[i] Operation Christian Freedom, Operation Enduring War[/i], and[i] Liberty and Justice for All Christians[/i], the latter being an apocryphal adventure game designed by President Bush exclusively for the enjoyment of American evangelicals.
Although WhiteHouseWarGames.gov is off to a solid start in the gaming industry, 2005 may prove its most profitable year in sales. Games still in development include[i] SIMS:The Draft [/i](to be released in early 2005) and[i] SIMS:Rebuild Iraq [/i](to be released in late 2006). Critics favored with a sneak peak of the former title agree that its sales may well exceed those of all 2004 WhiteHouseWarGames.gov titles combined.
Satire by[i] ej moore, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| British Press Ask How Can 59 Million Americans Be So Dumb (Fooled by Monster Bush)??? |
| 11.11.04 (7:43 am) [edit] |
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| Insane tBLOG Neo-Con Fascist NOGURU: Hates Free Speech, Dissent & Democracy!!! |
| 11.11.04 (6:37 am) [edit] |
[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq, Afghanistan and around the world (and here in the good ole' USA) and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]
[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]
Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffett...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, jesusisangry, DragonBait22, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like Question, SisterTalk, WhyNot, SpyMaster, WinstonSmith & SamAdams again ...
Blame George Tenet...
Blame the CIA again...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the Lefties who don't worship Ronald Reagan...
Blame the Lefties who uncover Bush-GOP lies about Kerry...
Blame Richard Clarke again...
Blame Clinton over and over again...
Blame the Liberals over and over again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over and over again...
Blame Sandy Berger over and over and over and over again...
Blame Michael Moore and Linda Ronstadt and the Dixie Chicks over and over and over again...
Blame Teresa Heinz-Kerry...
Blame Dan Rather...
Blame Kerry/Edwards...
Blame the Left...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like flipsidedown, angiekruger and anybody who doesn't bow-down in worship of the insane Bush/Cheney regime...
Now that the election is over go back to the top of the list and start blaming everybody but Bush/Cheney all over again!!!
[b]If all else fails dont' forget to blame Michael Moore over and over and over again ... [i]Fahrenheit 9/11 [/i]must be the real cause of all of our problems ...[/b]
Oh, and don't forget to blame the Left for not choosing to believe Bush's lies about phony WMDs, Bush's lies about non-existent links between Iraq & Al Qaeda; Bush's deceptions about his regime's support of murder-torture-rape-abuse of prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, in Afghanistan and in Iraq (including Abu Ghraib) http://www.tblog.com/template... -- The list of Bush's lies is endless, but blame those who don't believe them...
Oh, and don't forget to say "[u]Fuck-Yourself[/u]" to anyone who doesn't worship Bush and Cheney as Gods ...
Remember the Mantra: [i]Blame 9/11 ... Blame Clinton ... Blame Moore ... Blame Kerry ... Blame 9/11 ... Blame Clinton ... Blame Moore ... Blame Kerry ... etc. etc. etc[/i].
Oh, WinstonSmith, don't you know that keeping Bush's AWOL Military Records, the House of Bush's adulterous affairs with the House of Saud, plans for a war on Iran based upon the same lies as their war on Iraq, Bush/Cheney's lies about non-existent WMDs, [i]as well as [/i]Cheney's oh-so-secret "meetings" with his Energy Cronies from Big Corporations like Enron, Halliburton, etc. including Kenny-boy (Enron) Lay is helping out our [i]"National Security"[/i], in the bizarre world according to the Nobel-Prize-Winner ([i]sic, sic, sic[/i]) Reducto??? Oh, and be sure to say "[i]Fuck-It"[/i] alot Reducto: [i]That really helps [/i]bolster your oh-so-stupid diatribes ...
NOW it's that time of year for Reducto, Noguru, stepdad, caoilfhionn, Stephen89702, Defensor, BushLover, LynnKramer and the other Tblogging Neo-Con diminutives [i]to blame [/i] everybody but Bush/Cheney [i]for all of their problems [/i]... That'll sure make Bush, Cheney & Rice [i]happy[/i] since it takes everybody's mind off of the Bushites' cover-up of little children being sodomized http://www.tblog.com/template... at Abu Ghraib!!! [i]Ain't that nice??? [/i]...
[b][u]UPDATE[/u]:[/b]
You neo-con crazies go on attacking other Tbloggers when your flacid, indefensible screed is exposed as bullshit!!! ... IT'S YOUR USUAL DIVERSIONARY TACTIC!!!
... Tblog Neo-Fascist Clones deshanews=caoilfhionn=NOG URU=BushLover, etc. Use SS Nazi-style Tactics To Lie About Liberals Tbloggers in Order to Silence Them! These Ugly, Nasty Thugs don't understand Americans who value freedom of speech and while they follow the gutter-politics of falsely smearing others, I suspect that the Tblog Liberals are made of sterner stuff and won't be silenced! Resorting to Karl Rove's low-life politics seems to be all these pitiful garbage-mouths comprehend! [Of course it could be simpler than that! It could be that it's the only way that they get any attention because no one with brains will otherwise read their Bush/Cheney neo-con propaganda picked-up from Rush Limbaugh, WND, Drudge and other goons!]
NOGURU is [i]One Crazy Hypocritical Fuck [/i](alongside LynnKramer, BushLover, Reducto etc.) who sanctimoniously lectures us all about civility and condemns hate-speak-- and yet this [i]Crazy Fuck[/i] prints lies about other Tbloggers' statements while not publishing the truth about his own hate-filled screed that prompts angry reactions!!! Yet, this asshole claims to be a "Christian"!!! What kind of "Christianity" is Noguru representing??? Not the kind any sane man respects!!!
Noguru just published another one of his vile neo-nazi diatribes because he wants to be the[i] only one [/i]publishing on Tblog! Noguru's hateful screed is full of lies and neo-fascist propaganda he picks-up and regurgitates from Karl Rove! Noguru can't stand the fact that liberals fight back!!! [i]Tough Shit[/i]!!!
Noguru and other neo-con fascists really are in need of psychological counseling as well as some lessons in US History, Democracy, Freedom of Speech, Ethics, Integrity, Science, Economics, etc.-- because apparently these self-annointed so-called "Christians" [[i]sic[/i]], [i]really[/i] Fascists think that it's okay for them to spread lies, smears, libels, slanders and other obscenities and that no one is going to FIGHT BACK!!! [i]That Really Is Sick[/i]!!!
These Neo-Con Fascist assholes act like they [i]own[/i] Tblog!!!
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL [/b]
[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]
[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]
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