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| Poodle Brothers in Diplomatic Quandry |
| 11.16.04 (6:23 am) [edit] |
[b]Washington DC, Friday (Rioters)[/b] - President George W Bush and his canine sibling Tony Blair were locked in frantic secret discussions at the Oval Office today following the leaking of news that the US has forfeited ownership of its London ambassadorial residence Winfield House. The move comes after a series of lawsuits against the previous incumbent, ex-Ambassador William Stamps Farish III, who was unceremoniously ousted from the UK last July for harassing his neighbours in Regents Park, befouling the local Residents' Association with a smear campaign against some of its most famous members and poisoning the fish in the Boating Lake with weapons grade anthrax left over from an Official Banquet for John Kerry supporters belonging to the local branch of Democrats Abroad.
Never before in the hisory of US-UK relations have things looked so bleary in the diplomatic accommodation department as Blair and Bush seek ways to break the news to the media that temporary lodgings may have to be rented from executors of the later Robert Maxwell's estate. A two bed former show home in East London's Isle of Dogs is the current frontrunner given a painfuly low relocation budget imposed on the Bush administration by the cash-strapped Pentagon which has spent all the money allocated for diplomatic expenditure on dredging the Boating Lake and decontamination of toxic venom left by Ambassador Farish's wife Sarah.
Sources close to Blair said this morning that, as a stop gap, the next Ambassador would be welcome to stay in special secure accommodation normally reserved for Belmarsh Jail's Rule 43 inmates at the Tower of London, or at the Ronald Reagan Memorial Suite in South London's Maudsley Hospital for Psychosomatic Diseases. This would be based on the assumtion that either the Reverend Pat Robertson or the President's brother Neil Bush would be chosen as the next US Ambassador to the Court of St James's.
"There's only a few days left before the news becomes official", said a nervous White House source, referring to the growing anxiety among the US Diplomatic Corps that their former supremo Farish is to feature in a UK TV This Is Your Life spectacular which will oust his blunders and name him as the first American envoy to get caught red-handed by Royal Parks Police investigating links between the Sicilian Mafia, yellowcake uranium smuggling and financial supporters of the International Kabbalah Movement.
Blair is expected to make a full statement on the matter on his return to the UK tomorrow but must await developments arising from sending his official Envoy to the Middle East, Lord Levy, to Yasser Arafat's funeral in Cairo today.
Cherry Bush is said to be hopping mad.
[i]Satire by queen mudder, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Love Thy Neighbors, But Must We Become Like Them? |
| 11.16.04 (6:14 am) [edit] |
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| President Bush announces new Fallujah war game "Fallujahstein" |
| 11.11.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
[b]WASHINGTON [/b]- The new Washington, D.C. gaming website, WhiteHouseWarGames.gov, today announced the release of their first software war adventure,[i] Fallujahstein[/i], a multi-player online action shoot-'em-up game, and the first of many titles available from WhiteHouseWarGames.gov.
[i]Look for Fallujahstein at a Wal-Mart near you[/i].
WhiteHouseWarGames.gov, an Internet gaming website formed by President George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney, was created in 2002 when they "saw the need to bring more reality games to the general public," according to Donald Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld added that WhiteHouseWarGames.gov promises that [i]Fallujahstein[/i] is "only the first in a wave of exciting new war adventures to be released in the coming months."
[i]Fallujahstein[/i], with its excellent graphics and keen virtual representation of actual war, is based on the battle of Fallujah, and offers an online multi-player feature that can accommodate an infinite number of gamers. Gaming critics and beta testers hail [i]Fallujahstein[/i] as "the most authentic war game available for civilian enjoyment" and "a real boon to game technology because it offers so many unique 3D gaming options."
Some of the many features of[i] Fallujahstein [/i]include a gamer's choice of level difficulty depending on choice of Fallujah troop type. They are: EASY - Full-time military; MEDIUM - National Guard; HARD - Future Draftees; and IMPOSSIBLE - Iraqi forces. Also, Fallujah troop type includes a wide variety of interrogation choices for captured enemies such as water torture, partial flaying, electric shock, and beheading, and it also provides special wild card torture options under the heading "Abu Ghraib." President Bush said the latter resulted from both actual practices at "the real Abu Ghraib," and "yet-to-be implemented prisoner humiliation and torture suggestions sent to the White House from soldiers assigned to Abu Ghraib."
"Our troops are a creative bunch," said Bush, "and their torture and prisoner humiliation contributions are a true example of how talented they are as American freedom fighters."
Although [i]Fallujahstein[/i] is expected to break current sales records in the war games category, WhiteHouseWarGames.gov is ready with other Iraq war and action titles currently being tweaked for release including[i] Operation Christian Freedom, Operation Enduring War[/i], and[i] Liberty and Justice for All Christians[/i], the latter being an apocryphal adventure game designed by President Bush exclusively for the enjoyment of American evangelicals.
Although WhiteHouseWarGames.gov is off to a solid start in the gaming industry, 2005 may prove its most profitable year in sales. Games still in development include[i] SIMS:The Draft [/i](to be released in early 2005) and[i] SIMS:Rebuild Iraq [/i](to be released in late 2006). Critics favored with a sneak peak of the former title agree that its sales may well exceed those of all 2004 WhiteHouseWarGames.gov titles combined.
Satire by[i] ej moore, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| British Press Ask How Can 59 Million Americans Be So Dumb (Fooled by Monster Bush)??? |
| 11.11.04 (7:43 am) [edit] |
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| Insane tBLOG Neo-Con Fascist NOGURU: Hates Free Speech, Dissent & Democracy!!! |
| 11.11.04 (6:37 am) [edit] |
[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq, Afghanistan and around the world (and here in the good ole' USA) and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]
[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]
Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffett...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, jesusisangry, DragonBait22, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like Question, SisterTalk, WhyNot, SpyMaster, WinstonSmith & SamAdams again ...
Blame George Tenet...
Blame the CIA again...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the Lefties who don't worship Ronald Reagan...
Blame the Lefties who uncover Bush-GOP lies about Kerry...
Blame Richard Clarke again...
Blame Clinton over and over again...
Blame the Liberals over and over again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over and over again...
Blame Sandy Berger over and over and over and over again...
Blame Michael Moore and Linda Ronstadt and the Dixie Chicks over and over and over again...
Blame Teresa Heinz-Kerry...
Blame Dan Rather...
Blame Kerry/Edwards...
Blame the Left...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like flipsidedown, angiekruger and anybody who doesn't bow-down in worship of the insane Bush/Cheney regime...
Now that the election is over go back to the top of the list and start blaming everybody but Bush/Cheney all over again!!!
[b]If all else fails dont' forget to blame Michael Moore over and over and over again ... [i]Fahrenheit 9/11 [/i]must be the real cause of all of our problems ...[/b]
Oh, and don't forget to blame the Left for not choosing to believe Bush's lies about phony WMDs, Bush's lies about non-existent links between Iraq & Al Qaeda; Bush's deceptions about his regime's support of murder-torture-rape-abuse of prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, in Afghanistan and in Iraq (including Abu Ghraib) http://www.tblog.com/template... -- The list of Bush's lies is endless, but blame those who don't believe them...
Oh, and don't forget to say "[u]Fuck-Yourself[/u]" to anyone who doesn't worship Bush and Cheney as Gods ...
Remember the Mantra: [i]Blame 9/11 ... Blame Clinton ... Blame Moore ... Blame Kerry ... Blame 9/11 ... Blame Clinton ... Blame Moore ... Blame Kerry ... etc. etc. etc[/i].
Oh, WinstonSmith, don't you know that keeping Bush's AWOL Military Records, the House of Bush's adulterous affairs with the House of Saud, plans for a war on Iran based upon the same lies as their war on Iraq, Bush/Cheney's lies about non-existent WMDs, [i]as well as [/i]Cheney's oh-so-secret "meetings" with his Energy Cronies from Big Corporations like Enron, Halliburton, etc. including Kenny-boy (Enron) Lay is helping out our [i]"National Security"[/i], in the bizarre world according to the Nobel-Prize-Winner ([i]sic, sic, sic[/i]) Reducto??? Oh, and be sure to say "[i]Fuck-It"[/i] alot Reducto: [i]That really helps [/i]bolster your oh-so-stupid diatribes ...
NOW it's that time of year for Reducto, Noguru, stepdad, caoilfhionn, Stephen89702, Defensor, BushLover, LynnKramer and the other Tblogging Neo-Con diminutives [i]to blame [/i] everybody but Bush/Cheney [i]for all of their problems [/i]... That'll sure make Bush, Cheney & Rice [i]happy[/i] since it takes everybody's mind off of the Bushites' cover-up of little children being sodomized http://www.tblog.com/template... at Abu Ghraib!!! [i]Ain't that nice??? [/i]...
[b][u]UPDATE[/u]:[/b]
You neo-con crazies go on attacking other Tbloggers when your flacid, indefensible screed is exposed as bullshit!!! ... IT'S YOUR USUAL DIVERSIONARY TACTIC!!!
... Tblog Neo-Fascist Clones deshanews=caoilfhionn=NOG URU=BushLover, etc. Use SS Nazi-style Tactics To Lie About Liberals Tbloggers in Order to Silence Them! These Ugly, Nasty Thugs don't understand Americans who value freedom of speech and while they follow the gutter-politics of falsely smearing others, I suspect that the Tblog Liberals are made of sterner stuff and won't be silenced! Resorting to Karl Rove's low-life politics seems to be all these pitiful garbage-mouths comprehend! [Of course it could be simpler than that! It could be that it's the only way that they get any attention because no one with brains will otherwise read their Bush/Cheney neo-con propaganda picked-up from Rush Limbaugh, WND, Drudge and other goons!]
NOGURU is [i]One Crazy Hypocritical Fuck [/i](alongside LynnKramer, BushLover, Reducto etc.) who sanctimoniously lectures us all about civility and condemns hate-speak-- and yet this [i]Crazy Fuck[/i] prints lies about other Tbloggers' statements while not publishing the truth about his own hate-filled screed that prompts angry reactions!!! Yet, this asshole claims to be a "Christian"!!! What kind of "Christianity" is Noguru representing??? Not the kind any sane man respects!!!
Noguru just published another one of his vile neo-nazi diatribes because he wants to be the[i] only one [/i]publishing on Tblog! Noguru's hateful screed is full of lies and neo-fascist propaganda he picks-up and regurgitates from Karl Rove! Noguru can't stand the fact that liberals fight back!!! [i]Tough Shit[/i]!!!
Noguru and other neo-con fascists really are in need of psychological counseling as well as some lessons in US History, Democracy, Freedom of Speech, Ethics, Integrity, Science, Economics, etc.-- because apparently these self-annointed so-called "Christians" [[i]sic[/i]], [i]really[/i] Fascists think that it's okay for them to spread lies, smears, libels, slanders and other obscenities and that no one is going to FIGHT BACK!!! [i]That Really Is Sick[/i]!!!
These Neo-Con Fascist assholes act like they [i]own[/i] Tblog!!!
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL [/b]
[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]
[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]
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| Bush Goes Extra Mile To Win! |
| 11.06.04 (6:37 am) [edit] |
In a stunning admission, just (barely) re-elected President George W. Bush admits through CBS News to a surgical procedure that implanted the Alzheimer's gene prior to the Presidential Debates.
Bush was admitted to Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA, on June 4th under an assumed name, I.B. Goodboy, and was immediately injected with a combination of donor Ronald Reagan’s brain stem cells and genes from Mr. Reagan's DNA. This procedure is believed to produce symptoms of Alzheimer's disease within 24-48 hours AND assure an additional 10% of the mentally challenged vote.
By dinner that evening Mr. Bush was babbling incoherently about a new world order and expanded middle-east military crusades. He also had developed a strange craving for jellybeans that had the Secret Service searching the yellow pages to fulfill. By the following morning, Mr. Bush’s doctors had declared Mr. Bush ready to return to the campaign trail.
Before leaving Los Angeles, Mr. Bush insisted on visiting the zoo where he spent several hours talking to a chimpanzee named Bonzo and eating bananas.
The Kerry team immediately issued a rebuke to the Bush action calling the procedure unfair and pandering to Reagan supporters. Celebrity activist, Tim Robbins, speaking on behalf of Actors Against Actors (AAA) said the medical procedure “infringed on the method acting so common in Hollywood”. In addition, Mr. Robbins went on to say “Mr. Bush has enough natural stupidity and incompetence that a medical enhancement is an unfair advantage in the political arena. President Reagan was a natural politician; dishonest, mean spirited and absolutely ruthless without appearing so outwardly.”
Bush stated during a news conferance before leaving the hospital, "This was a deeply personal decision and only after consultation with my handlers did I decide to proceed. Karl Rove tells me my approval rating should top 40% with those folks that miss Ronnie Reagan's reactionary policies and smiling vacant stare. Personally I haven't felt this good since I took LSD in 1968!
Speaking on his past drug use, the "new" Alzheimered (or Alz-Hammered as he prefers!) Bush says he wants to come clean about his drinking and cocaine addiction during the 60', 70's and early 80's. He says he "wants" to come clean but he remembers so very little of those times. He does remember the rush of flying the F-102 aircraft while blasted on cocaine, but doesn't want his alcoholic daughters to get the wrong impression of "Dad".
Mr. Bush related that in a recent conversation with Jesus Christ, he was told nuclear weapons were the sole domain of America and that he should not hesitate to use them to insure world peace. "War is not a bad thing as long as your family is not in danger," Mr Bush said. "Daddy told me that while I was in Alabama during the Vietnam war"
Mr. Bush is returning to Washington today to begin reading statements so ridiculous and outrageous that only by claiming Alzheimer’s can he ever be forgiven.
[i]Satire by FastrBud, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| AMERICA SPEAKS: FIRST THINGS FIRST ... |
| 11.05.04 (5:52 pm) [edit] |
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| First Draft of Bush Victory and Concession Speeches Leaked to Press |
| 11.02.04 (10:00 am) [edit] |
In a rare glimpse into the mind of the current and possibly future President of the United States, George W. Bush’s personal computer was hacked into and some of the most revealing contents were leaked to the press today. President Bush, apparently planning for both contingencies, had documents stored on his PC called “What I Say When I Win” and “What I Say If All My Dirty Tricks Fail”. Both speeches were very short and very informative, and were clearly still in the first draft stage.
[i]Adios, Motherfucker[/i]
Bush’s victory speech reads, “My fell low Americans…we have prevailated against the evil John Kerry, so now he can go back to Massuhchewsets and preeform gay marriges for the terrists, at least until I make it ill leegal for them buffuckers to breeth. Now I can get down to the seerius bizness of cuttin taxes, and I’m gonna start by getting rida the top too tax brakits so the bizness oaners can free themselves from the fine ann chill burdin that keeps them from hirin all the pore peeple, that is the wunz who ain’t too lazy to wurk. We attack Iran in the mornin, Godbless and Yeeeehawww.”
Bush’s concession speech reads, “Well, I can’t beeleev Karl Rove, Diebold, my brother and my Supreem Cort butties all faled me, but heer I em, cavin in to the commie Democrats. But my frendz, all is not losed. As y’all no, I own Irack and I can doo whatever I want with it. So, I’m declairinatin myself President of Irack eefecktive rite away and ree zine in the Prezidentzy eefecktive imeediutly. I’ve talked to the noo President of the U.S., Dick Cheney, and weev agread that hees gonna cell me the so called ‘red states’ for a doller eech. So, now all yoo Republican States are imeediutly part of the new Yoonited States of Irack, of which I am yore new President for life. My furst action as President of the Yoonited States of Irack will be to attack Iran tomorrow morning, Godbless and Yeeehawww.”
A Rueters/USA Today poll taken a couple hours after the groundbreaking revelations were leaked to the press reveals that the vote is still split right down the middle, and that George Bush would retain the support of half of the United States under many imagined scenarios. In these polls, everyone who said they were planning to vote for Bush was asked the following questions, and in every case, nearly 100% of respondents to these questions said they would still vote for Bush even if he…
“…ate a live baby on TV.”
“…admitted he had no idea what the hell he’s doing.”
“…raped a Doberman Pinscher.”
“…admitted he masturbates to the rhythm of the Star Spangled Banner.”
“…went on live TV to say he would have moved to Canada if his daddy hadn’t gotten him into the National Guard.”
“…punched Laura really hard in the gut.”
The only scenario which would cost Bush any support comes from the old adage, “…the only way he can lose is if he’s caught with a dead girl or a live boy,” and apparently even the dead girl wouldn’t affect his numbers very much. Here’s hoping the live boy I’ve sent to his house does the trick.
[i]Satire by dalepetrie, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| ...... FLORIDA TO DECIDE ELECTION BY SHOW OF HANDS ...... |
| 11.02.04 (9:54 am) [edit] |
[b]State Loses Instruction Manual for Electronic Voting Machines [/b]
Attempting to head off the kind of voting irregularities that threw the 2000 election into chaos, Florida voting officials announced today that the state’s presidential contest would be determined by a “show of hands.”
In a statewide address broadcast on live television this morning, Florida Secretary of State Glenda Hood instructed all Florida voters to start heading for a vacant trailer park on the outskirts of Tampa where the official show of hands will take place.
While acknowledging that a show of hands was an unorthodox way for Florida to determine who will receive the state’s twenty-seven electoral votes, Ms. Hood said the move became necessary after it was discovered late last week that the state had lost the instruction manual for its controversial Diebold electronic voting machines.
An early test of the machines last Wednesday set off alarms among voting officials when the electronic tally showed conservative commentator Pat Buchanan winning the state with 87% of the vote, despite not appearing on the ballot.
“After searching for the instruction manual, we moved on to Plan B, which was to operate the voting machines with a hand-crank,” Secretary of State Hood said. “But then nobody could find the crank.”
Florida Governor Jeb Bush said the show-of-hands method should not shake Floridians’ confidence in the accuracy of the returns, saying, “We will keep counting hands until we get the result we want.”
Elsewhere, Osama bin Laden lashed out at American broadcast networks for failing to air the final sentence of his tape last Friday, which was: “I’m Osama bin Laden, and I approve this message.”
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.borowitzreport.com...
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| ............... 'Bring It On???' ... NOW GO OUT AND VOTE FOR KERRY!!! ............... |
| 11.02.04 (9:51 am) [edit] |
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| ....... Bush to Use Grandmother's Corpse for Final Campaign Push ....... |
| 11.01.04 (7:01 am) [edit] |
[b]George W Bush is seeking to boost his chances of winning the US Presidential election – by exhuming the body of his dead grandmother Barbara to help with the final campaign push.[/b]
[i]An artist's impression of how Mrs Bush Senior will hit the campaign trail[/i]
The corpse was lifted out of a Texas graveyard this morning and Republican spin-doctors believe Grandma Bush will be ready to go canvassing as early as tomorrow morning.
However, Bush advisers have denied that the move is a last ditch attempt to salvage his flagging ratings after the disastrous use of his wife Laura in the last few days.
“We contacted the late Mrs Bush through a video conference call with a medium,” said vice-president Dick Cheney. “She said she was willing to take a few days off from The Afterlife to make sure that her little boy got back in.”
Republican campaign organisers are still flummoxed how best to use Grandma Bush’s body. According to one inside source, one idea is to parade the body through the streets of important swing states affixed to a placard reading “I’m Dead Set On Bush”.
Another problem is that Mrs Bush Senior’s reappearance could actually end up upstaging Mr Bush himself.
“Let’s face it – if you put the current president up against the rotting corpse of his deceased grandmother in a charisma contest, it might be a close contest but Mrs Bush would inevitably win,” said one source close to the Republican election team.
On anti-Bush protestor said the move proved how low Mr Bush was prepared to go to retain the presidency.
“About six feet low to be precise,” he added.
Presidential aides insisted that the body would be returned to its resting place once the election was over.
“President Bush said we should keep digging for a bit while the grave’s empty just to see if we can find some oil down there,” said one. “But he said that if we don’t find nothing we shouldn’t worry as he would probably be invading another oil field disguised as a Middle East country in the near future anyway.”
X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
[i]Satire by Gareth Carpenter, The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| ....... NADER RIPS OSAMA FOR FAILING TO MENTION HIM ....... |
| 11.01.04 (6:57 am) [edit] |
[b]Demands Inclusion in Next Terror Tape [/b]
Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader today blasted terror mastermind Osama bin Laden for referring to both President George W. Bush and Senator John Kerry in his latest terror tape but failing to mention him.
“Osama bin Laden’s refusal to mention me even once in the course of a major terror video just proves that he is controlled by the same corporate paymasters as the two major party candidates,” Mr. Nader said.
“But if this is Osama’s way of trying to get me to quit the race, he’s got another thing coming,” he added.
The erstwhile consumer advocate theorized that Mr. bin Laden may have omitted any mention of him in the five-minute video because “I am the candidate he fears most.”
Mr. Nader explained that, unlike Messrs. Bush and Kerry, he has consistently pushed for stricter emission and fuel economy standards for all vehicles driven by al Qaeda madmen.
The third-party candidate capped his critique of Mr. bin Laden with the following ultimatum: “Include me in your next video, or face my wrath.”
The bin Laden tape dominated the presidential race over the weekend, as Mr. Bush vowed to destroy Mr. bin Laden by airing a series of negative ads attacking him in several key swing states.
For his part, Sen. Kerry said that defeating Mr. bin Laden would be his top priority, adding, “I know that Dick Cheney’s daughter, who is a lesbian by the way, agrees with me.”
Meanwhile, Mr. bin Laden denied that he is trying to influence Tuesday’s election, adding that if he wanted to do that he would move to Ohio.
[i]Satire by Borowitz[/i]: http://www.borowitzreport.com...
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| ....... # 1 ....... |
| 11.01.04 (6:52 am) [edit] |
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