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Bush Proposes Law To Ban Hating Him

06.30.04 (7:40 am) [edit]

In response to the wildly popular Michael Moore documentary, [i]Farenheit 9/11[/i], President George Bush today proposed a new law which would make it a felony offense to hate him.

[i]Hating George Bush could soon bring you 20 years in prison.[/i]

“This has gone on too long. If we just let Americans walk around hating me, then the terrorists win,” Bush said while on a recent vacation. “It is not good for the country and, more importantly, it hurts my feelings.”

While there has always been a law on the books making it illegal to threaten the President of the United States, this new law would punish anyone who “hates, dislikes, makes fun of, or even laughs at a joke about George W. Bush.” Offenders will be punished with up to 20 years in a maximum security prison. Offenders in Bush’s home state of Texas will, of course, be punished by execution.

“There isn’t much more un-American in my book than saying that President Bush looks like a monkey or talks like a three-year-old,” a Bush spokesman said. “Plus, Michael Moore is fat,” he added.

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

George W. Bush: "I don't think I'm gay! ... But I'm not sure!" ...

06.29.04 (12:10 pm) [edit]

WASHINGTON (AP) Since his recent TV appearance on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", President George W. Bush has been spending a lot of time in locked in his bedroom. Barbara Bush says, "He just stands in his closet looking at his clothes and won't come out! I blame it all on those Fab Five gentlemen. I just haven't seen much of 'Little Georgie' since those guys got their hooks into him. One of the White House gardeners suggested that I buy something called a "strap on" but I'm just not sure that would work... you know George and I have always had our same routine, and..."

[i]New Picture of Condi Rice on President's Desk[/i]

Attorney General John Ashcroft said, "I've been getting some very strange phone calls from the President lately. First he asks about how deep our friendship is and then he asks me to pray with him about the Sodomites. I'm just afraid to ask him, but I think he's planning a vacation at Fire Island. I don't really care, just as long as he doesn’t ask me to go with him!"

Staff Secretary Brett Kavanaugh reports that the President has placed a picture of Condi Rice on his desk in the oval office. Bush seems to be unable to go anywhere without this photo and is angry that the press insists that Condi Rice keep[i] his/her [/i]mustache shaved-off in public.

The President is scheduled to appear on “Larry King Live” this Thursday with a “very important announcement” for the American people. Condi Rice may or may not appear with him depending upon [i]whether or not [/i]the White House can get rid of [i]his/her [/i]mustache.

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

Iraq Officially Becomes 51st U.S. State Two Days Ahead Of Schedule (Photo-Op)

06.28.04 (9:15 am) [edit]

In an effort to show the world that the U.S. is not in Iraq to occupy it, but to bring freedom to it, President Bush announced this morning that the transfer of power has been accomplished in Iraq in ceremony just outside of Baghdad.

"They are now a sovereign state just like any other U.S. state." Stated President George Bush, "We welcome you to the United States and look forward to having a fruitful relationship. We may be miles apart, but we will do everything in our power to make sure that you know we are there for you and with you."

U.S. Administrator L. Paul Bremmer congratulated the new governor of the State of Iraq, Ghazi al-Yawar, for taking the oath and the pledge to defend the United States of America in this historic day.

"I think the new governor is ready to take on the challenges that come with being a new state in the Union." Stated L. Paul Bremmer, the ex-Administrator in Iraq, "I know Ghazi very well and his vision for that state is the same as President Bush's. In fact, Jeb Bush, the governor of Florida and the brother of President George W. Bush, will be visiting Ghazi to explain to him how to run a state properly."

"This is a historic and happy day for us here in Iraq." Stated Governor Ghazi al-Yawar, "We are finally a free and sovereign state just like any other U.S. state."

The governor was sworn in, with his right hand over the bible and his left hand over the Koran in a simple and quiet ceremony outside of Baghdad early this morning.

President Bush concluded "I truly hope that the state of Iraq will be like Texas, full of oil men who fund my presidential campaign (or find themselves indicted as Enemy Combattants and are no longer entitled to [i]Habeus Corpus[/i]) and the kids as happy as those in Brownsville who enjoy running around without shoes; playing around their outdoor toilets because they don't have indoor plumbing; and, are free of the tyranny of education."

[i]Satire by TheDailyFarce[/i]: http://www.thedailyfarce.com/...

FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of the Neo-Cons' Scapegoats!!!

06.28.04 (9:09 am) [edit]

[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]

[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]

Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffet...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like Question, SisterTalk, WhyNot, SpyMaster, WinstonSmith & SamAdams again ...
Blame George Tenet...
Blame the CIA again...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the Lefties who don't worship Ronald Reagan...
Blame the Lefties who uncover Bush-GOP lies about Kerry...
Blame Richard Clarke again...
Blame Clinton over and over again...
Blame the Liberals over and over again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over and over again...

If all else fails dont' forget to blame Michael Moore over and over and over again ... [i]Fahrenheit 9/11 [/i]must be the real cause of all of our problems ...

[b]Oh, and don't forget to blame the Left for not choosing to believe Bush's lies about phony WMDs, Bush's lies about non-existent links between Iraq & Al Qaeda; Bush's deceptions about his regime's support of murder-torture-rape-abuse of prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, in Afghanistan and in Iraq (including Abu Ghraib)-- The list of Bush's lies is endless, but blame those who don't believe them...[/b]

[b]Oh, and don't forget to say "[u]Fuck-Yourself[/u]" to anyone who doesn't worship Bush and Cheney as Gods ...

Remember the Mantra: Blame 9/11 ... Blame Clinton ... Blame Moore ... Blame Kerry ... Blame 9/11 ... Blame Clinton ... Blame Moore ... Blame Kerry ... etc. etc. etc. [/b]

[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]

[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]

Cheney F-Bombs Leahy, Spills Guts on Fox News ... (Satire)

06.27.04 (10:46 am) [edit]

In an extraordinary burst of temper, Vice President "Dick" Cheney used the F-word to denounce Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont. The tantrum came at a photo-op on the Senate floor, when Leahy reportedly made a sly allusion to Cheney’s alleged homosexual relations with soon-to-be-indicted former Enron Chairman Kenneth "Leila" Lay.

Later, Cheney spilled his guts to Brit Hume on Fox News.

[b]Hume:[/b] It's such a pleasure to have you on the show.

[b]Cheney:[/b] Glad to be here. Look, just lick this spot off my left boot, will you?

[b]Hume:[/b] Oh, right-ho, my liege. Now, may I call you "Dickie"?

[b]Cheney:[/b] Are we live? I think "Mr. Vice-President" will suffice.

[b]Hume:[/b] Now, what’s all this about your having a few words with Senator Leahy on the Senate floor? (Titters.)

[b]Cheney:[/b] Well, I think we all know that I expressed myself forcefully.

[b]Hume:[/b] Oh, yes indeed. Tell me, did you feel better afterward?

[b]Cheney:[/b] Oh YES! If it feels good, DO IT, is my new motto!

[b]Hume:[/b] You’re a rather staid kinda guy. How do you normally "let off steam"?

[b]Cheney:[/b] Oh, I go out in the backyard, blast away at mallards. Use my trusty Bulgarian Shipka. 700 rounds per minute. Gets the job done. I may be taking it into the Senate Chambers next time. (Titters)

[b]Hume:[/b] Well, you’d certainly be the man to [i]handle[/i] Osama if he showed up in your backyard. (Laughter.) Tell me, Dickie, where do you get those marvelous suits?

[b]Cheney:[/b] Well, I suppose I should claim executive privilege. (Laughter.) Let you in on a secret - Pookie, Sebastian and Halliburton, 3rd Avenue, New York. Tell them Dick-Dick sent you. I get a commish.

[b]Hume:[/b] So, Dick-Dick - any truth to the rumors about you and Alan Greenspan and the "whips"?

[b]Cheney: [/b](Turns red.) %@#*&^###. Who told you about the f***ing whips? (Turns purple, reaches into his vest pocket and pops some pills.) Ah, that’s much better. What were you saying, Britney darling?

[b]Hume: [/b]Well, you do seem in excellent physical condition, if I do say so myself. Who handles your "medications"?

[b]Cheney:[/b] Whaaa...? Oh, Rush knows this doctor down in Miami...Say, cutie, wanna go in the green zone, I mean the green room, heh, and[i] fool around[/i]?

[b]Hume:[/b] Maybe later, Dick. (Turns red.) Hey, you fuckers, we're supposed to be off-camera!

[i]Satire by DeadBrain[/i]: http://www.deadbrain.com/news...

Bush Irish visit: satanic weapons of Mass destruction found

06.26.04 (11:48 am) [edit]

(Dromoland Castle, Eire; Friday 25 June) Irish police investigating a cult branch of the notorious satanic Hellfire Club have uncovered fourth century Atlantic Sea Scrolls which claim that the Catholic Mass is a cannibalistic rite initiated by hungry Roman soldiers fed up of eating the local staple diet of peat and cabbage. The find was located close to the Hellfire's fourteenth century timeshare, Dromoland Castle, which will host this weekend's Presidential Summit of EU Enron illusionists and their personal crisis counsellors.

The archaeological relics are said to be so inflammatory to the credibility of Catholic worship rituals as to pose a total threat to the survival of the Mass, the Church's premier religious floorshow.

"This is my body, this is my blood" are words engraved on strange Roman masonic artefacts showing hungry peasants eyeing a spreadeagled victim on a cross, while another stone carving shows peasants being burnt at the stake while carrots and parsnips roast in the ashes beneath their feet.

President Bush is expected to be told of the find which may be connected to Sumerian artefacts recently uncovered in Baghdad depicting ancestors of Ronald Reagan eating pan-fried babies.

Dick Cheney and Karl Rove are planning to announce that the satanic weapons of Mass destruction prove that they were right about Iraq all along. Moreover they are going to announce that John Kerry was planning the attacks upon 9/11 with Al Qaida while taking communion.

Tonight's menu at the Presidential banquet has not yet been announced for security reasons. However, aides close to the president have said that his lavish banquets will not include beef due to Mad Cow disease found in the U.S. but covered-up by his campaign contributors, the U.S. Beef Industry and their lobbyists in Washington DC. When asked whether the American public should be advised regarding the health risks associated with U.S. beef, Bush said to the reporter: "Fuck-yourself"!

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of the Neo-Cons' Scapegoats!!!

06.26.04 (11:35 am) [edit]

[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]

[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]

Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffet...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like Question, SisterTalk, WhyNot, SpyMaster, WinstonSmith & SamAdams again ...
Blame George Tenet...
Blame the CIA again...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the Lefties who don't worship Ronald Reagan...
Blame the Lefties who uncover Bush-GOP lies about Kerry...
Blame Richard Clarke again...
Blame Clinton over and over again...
Blame the Liberals over and over again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over and over again...

If all else fails dont' forget to blame Michael Moore over and over and over again ... [i]Fahrenheit 9/11 [/i]must be the real cause of all of our problems ...

[b]Oh, and don't forget to blame the Left for not choosing to believe Bush's lies about phony WMDs, Bush's lies about non-existent links between Iraq & Al Qaeda; Bush's deceptions about his regime's support of murder-torture-rape-abuse of prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, in Afghanistan and in Iraq (including Abu Ghraib)-- The list of Bush's lies is endless, but blame those who don't believe them...[/b]

[b]Oh, and don't forget to say "[u]Fuck-Yourself[/u]" to anyone who doesn't worship Bush and Cheney as Gods ...[/b]

[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]

[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]

FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of the Neo-Cons' Scapegoats!!!

06.25.04 (9:20 am) [edit]

[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]

[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]

Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffet...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like Question, SisterTalk, WhyNot, SpyMaster, WinstonSmith & SamAdams again ...
Blame George Tenet...
Blame the CIA again...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the Lefties who don't worship Ronald Reagan...
Blame the Lefties who uncover Bush-GOP lies about Kerry...
Blame Richard Clarke again...
Blame Clinton over and over again...
Blame the Liberals over and over again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over and over again...

If all else fails dont' forget to blame Michael Moore over and over and over again ... [i]Fahrenheit 9/11 [/i]must be the real cause of all of our problems ...

[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]

[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]

To BrainDead Bush: "It's The Evidence, Stupid!" (Just 'Cause You Say It, Doesn't Make It True!)

06.25.04 (9:15 am) [edit]

[b]Bushy-boy thinks because he says the earth is flat, that it is true (Right-wing evangelical neo-con fuckwits apparently buy that crap!). Ha ha ha!!! Bushy-boy says links between Iraq & Al-Qaeda exist: [i]Where is the evidence, BrainDead FuckWit Bushy-boy??? [/i](Without the evidence, Bushy-boy can go to Hell!!!)[/b]

[b][u]And Now, a Public Service Announcement from George Bush's Left Ear Cartilage[/u][/b]

[i]In the Fair and Balanced spirit of Fox News, DeadBrain is pleased to provide the other side of a recent discourse in the body politic[/i].

Hello. I am the left ear cartilage of George W. Bush. You may know me from some of George's best speechifying, because he favors my side of his head when nodding for emphasis. I've also been prominently featured in political cartoons across this great land of ours.

Now I've been hearing some strange things coming from John Kerry's Hair. Hearing! That's a great joke. I love word play. I provide comfortable acoustics for Mr. Bush's brain, but I digress.

This hair of Kerry's is too nostalgic for my tastes. We're in the middle of a war, damnit! A war without borders, without rules, without umpires. John Kerry's Hair can't go back to the innocent days of Vietnam, and we can't afford to let that hair drag the nation back there either. You couldn't even get good cocaine back in those days. We better send Kerry off to Guantanamo Bay which George intends to do after he and Jeb rig the (s)election.

I've been there for George throughout this crusade. Forget I said "crusade," though. It's not really a crusade, no matter what that monkey-fondler Bob Woodward reports in his books. George thinks that after we massacre all them Ay-rabs that they'll all love us so much and that they'll all find Jesus.

George tugs on me during the Cabinet meetings, when everyone's jabbering about things he doesn't understand. Sometimes I think he's trying to pull open his eardrum canal even further, hoping to make some sense of it all. Never works, but at least I'm comforting him. George tries so hard, but psychologists know all that boozing during Vietnam when he was partying away hurt his brain.

My close personal friends, the lobes, weren't sure I should go public with these musings. But it's not like I'm his nostrils, for Heaven's sake. They could leak some stories, let me tell you! So could his ass, which apparently doesn't work so well either, which is why he is so constipated.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to accompany Mr. Bush to the White House movie theater, where he'll be enjoying [i]Garfield: The Movie [/i]for the third time this week. It's a whole lot more fun than reading all those boring PDBs. The larynx isn't really up for it - he's already strained from George's laughter at the previous viewings - but like George says, "United We Stand, Divided Is Better, Long Division Is a Real Bitch Without a Calculator." George also says that "Either You Are With Me, Or Against Me" and I sure don't want him blowing his own brains out!

Thank you, and God Bless America.

[i]Satire by DeadBrain[/i]: http://www.deadbrain.com/poli...

Bush Says Free World Not Intimidated By Beheadings; Cancels All Future Trips To Middle East

06.24.04 (7:59 am) [edit]

In an effort to show the world that America is determined to win the war on terror, President Bush announced this morning that the United States along with all countries of the free world, except Spain, are not intimidated by the resent rash of beheadings in Iraq by terrorists.

"First of all, when I said, 'bring it on', I was only kidding." Stated President Bush, "Second, the terrorist need to understand that I'm not intimidated by these horrific acts. Third, I would like to announce that starting today I will not be traveling to the Middle East any longer. In fact, I've cancelled all my trips anywhere in the world. This has nothing to do with the beheadings. They do not intimidate me. I will send as many soldiers as it takes to win this war in Iraq, however, I need to stay here in the White House so that I can make great decisions."

A South Korean worker who worked for a South Korean company in Iraq was abducted last week and taken hostage. The terrorist demanded that South Korea withdraw their troops from the region or they would kill the hostage. This morning, unfortunately, the terrorist beheaded the South Korean hostage.

President Bush has condemned the beheading calling it an "act of barbaric proportions" and has urged President Roh Moo-hyun of South Korea not to be intimidated.

"President Roh Moo-hyun, please, I beg you, be strong like me!" Stated President President Bush in a press conference, "Don't be like the Spanish. Stick around. Just don't travel like I won't and you will be ok!"

South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun is set to speak in a press conference this afternoon. Late word from White House aides is that Bush will not be present because he and Condi Rice are hiding under the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom where they are supposedly planning the invasion of Massachusetts. Of course, they will be recruiting impoverished Americans because as Bush says "this is the class who are grateful to have a job. My girls are rich so they are too good to be sent into battle. Instead Barbara and Jenna will follow in my footsteps and[i] party, party, party [/i]for the rest of the war."

[i]Satire by the Daily Farce[/i]: http://www.thedailyfarce.com/...

Bush declassifies personal shopping list, proves did not order torture

06.23.04 (8:09 am) [edit]

The White House has declassified a series of documents in an attempt to prove that senior members of the Bush administration did not sanction the torture of terror suspects. According to a source close to the President, it is hoped that the previously secret documents, which were released to the media under a special rule known as the "[u]Get George out of a hole rule[/u]", will reassure Americans that life is wonderful and nothing unpleasant has taken place, "[i]or at least not to people who didn't deserve it[/i]".

However, [i]DeadBrain's[/i] favourite secret documents expert, Dr Douglas Ramsbottom, raised a number of concerns about the documents when we showed them to him. "Yes, it's true that in none of these documents is there a shred of evidence that Bush or Rumsfeld ordered torture to take place, but then you wouldn't expect to find that sort of order on a shopping list or a paperclip requisition form," he said. "In fact, after going through hundreds of pages of mind-numbing detail, I haven't found anything remotely relevant to the treatment or mistreatment of prisoners."

The closest thing Dr Ramsbottom did find to proof that President Bush did not order the torture of prisoners was a memo, handwritten in orange wax crayon on White House notepaper, saying "I George W Bush herewith and forthby declare that no torturification shall take place of anyone ever". The note was signed by President Bush and, Dr Ramsbottom said, appears to be genuine, but was unfortunately dated last Thursday.

Despite the irrelevance of most of what the White House has released, conspiracy theorists are nevertheless suspicious about the authenticity of a number of the documents, including those that were not written in wax crayon. "Take this shopping list, for example," said Greg Mullet of Florida, who asked us not to mention his name because the FBI are monitoring his communications. "It was typed by the President's Secretary of State for Secretaries and appears to be his private shopping list, but it's quite clearly a fake: he's banned from eating pretzels and what use would he have for a pair of latex gloves and a tank commander's helmet? I'm not even sure Wal-Mart sell them."

A second list, also written in orange crayon and containing the words "Syria, Iranistan, North Korea, France", has since been reclassified for security reasons.

A third list, which Bush asked not to be shown to his wife Laura, includes sex toys, whips-and-chains and S&M fetish outfits seen worn by Bush and Condi Rice while on their weekend trysts.

[i]Satire by DeadBrain[/i]: http://deadbrain.co.uk/news/a...

Bush Discourages Using Numbers When Discussing Economy

06.22.04 (9:25 am) [edit]

NewsHax wire -- While giving a speech in Kansas City, Missouri, a state seriously affected by the economic downturn of the past 2 years, President Bush stressed that we should not be focusing on numbers when discussing the struggling economy.

"We should not be focusing on the fact that over 2.5 million people have lost their jobs, or the record budget deficit that is expected to grow in the following years. We also shouldn't talk about my tax cuts that mainly benefit those making more than $200,000 a year. Nor should we even notice that I am asking for another $87 billion for Iraq, or that unemployment is still growing," said Bush. (more...)

"These are numbers that we just should not concentrate on. Rather, the American people should listen to the same excuses that I have been using for a long time. Sept. 11, although nearly 2 years removed still is holding the economy down, and no one can stop it; its no one's fault. We should realize that the rich, especially my campaign donors, need more money and maybe, if the middle and lower classes are lucky, a little bit of that money will trickle down to them."

Bush then went on to stress that people are confident in the economy, despite recent poll data to the contrary. Bush's words are in stark contrast to Democratic hopefuls who seem to constantly use numbers and facts to prove their points. Many Bush supporters called the Democrat's use of numbers unpatriotic and an example of dirty campaigning.

[i]Satire by NewsHax[/i]: http://www.newshax.com/module...

NewsFlash: "The George Bush White House: At War with The Republican Party"!

06.21.04 (9:22 am) [edit]

The Bush White House is finding itself in a position it never thought it would be in...not only is it locked in a some times neck and neck, some times losing battle with Democrat John Kerry, it is also fighting off a challenge from the center wing of it’s own Party. As the election nears, more and more moderate Republicans are calling on the Party to abandon Mr. Bush and his Conservative, Go it Alone and increasingly Radical Religious Right Wing agenda’s.

The latest and most obvious of these is Diplomats and Military Commanders for Change, a group of over two dozen retired Republican Ambassadors and Four Star Generals whose open letter asking Republicans to vote Bush out in November has caused consternation in the Administration. According to sources in the White House the mood there is grim, bordering on paranoiac as each week seems to bring a new setback.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “ Dick Cheney walks around the West Wing all day carrying that damn duck hunting shotgun of his and Bush has taken to wearing two pearl handled six shooters, even to the men’s room. Yesterday the Secret Service found a “Lick Bush” bumper sticker on the Vice President’s limo, but his daughter Mary could’ve put that there, in which case it would mean something else entirely; we’re just not sure.”

In an attempt to solidify Republican support the Bush 04 Campaign has unveiled a new series of television spots with tag lines such as “Bush 04...Because you[i] can [/i]fool some of the people all of the time” and “Re Elect Bush...Because one Country is Not Enough”.

Besides if Republicans stop supporting Bush he'll simply declare Marshall Law anyway and suspend elections in November except for those Republican Congressmen up for re-election whom he'll [i]"oust-for-good"[/i], according to White House aides. Frist and DeLay are said to fully support Bush saying in a joint news conference: "It is time to eject the paleo-conservatives in favor of the neo-conservatives who understand that this Republic Stands for Halliburton, Bechtel and the Carlyle Group and that either you are with us or against us. If you are against us, we'll kill you like we're doing to Iraqis each day who refuse to cheer for our confiscation of their oil. It's neo-democracy in action!" Some Republican Senators are confused over why Bush would suspend the upcoming presidential election since the Bush Brothers: Jeb, Neil and George are rigging it anyway in concert with Walden O'Dell of Diebold Election Systems.

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

Republican Party Seeks Replacement for George W. Bush

06.18.04 (9:31 am) [edit]

Republicans are scrambling to find a candidate to replace George W. Bush in time for the Republican National Convention in New York City this August. While six months ago President Bush looked like such a shoo in for the nomination that the GOP never even bothered to have a Primary Race, many Republican Party Leaders are beginning to regret that omission.

“We should have looked around a little bit, you know, read the writing on the wall,” said one highly placed party member, “but even as late as December it still looked as if Bush could beat anybody hands down. Of course, in December we thought Kerry was finished and we would be running against Dean.”

Dr. Howard Dean’s abortive run for the White House may have been a deciding factor in keeping potential candidates in the Republican Party from mounting a challenge to Mr. Bush’s leadership, as well as the eight other candidates that at the time seemed to fracture the Democratic field. But December’s wisdom looks very different in the harsh light of June. With the War in Iraq going badly, gasoline and other fuel oil prices at near record levels, housing prices leveling off, a still anemic stock market and negative territory job loss despite recent gains, President Bush is scrambling to find an issue he can hang his hat on and point to with pride.

Republicans had also failed to take into account the “Anybody But Bush” phenomenon that has swept the Democratic and Independent factions in the country that has galvanized support for John Kerry as the only opposing candidate. But in a way, the lack of a Republican Primary Race could help a Maverick Republican Candidate.

Said one official, “Since there were no Primaries, no Delegate has actually pledged to the Bush/Cheney ticket. If we could convince say, John McCain to mount a dark horse challenge at the Convention we may just have a chance at a win in November.”

The White House declined to comment since Bush and Condi Rice were alone in the Lincoln Bedroom and were unavailable to answer questions, and Cheney is currently at Halliburton calculating how much richer he'll be after he is awarded massive kickbacks and bribes once the Bush administration invades Iran, bombs it to smitherings and then re-builds it using Halliburton, Bechtel and the Carlyle Group. Ah, the wonders of capitalism under the neo-cons: [i]Perpetual War for Perpetual Profits[/i]!

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

George W. Bush Declares Marshall Law!

06.17.04 (8:25 am) [edit]

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[i]Two Spoof Writers are taken into Custody[/i]

President George W. Bush has taken the unique step of declaring Marshall Law without the country having either been attacked or being under imminent threat of attack. Administration Officials, concerned about falling public opinion polls and the real danger of losing the November elections, has authorized the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to take control of all Transportation Systems, Communications Systems, the Banking Industry and the McDonalds Corporation.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Look, if you’re upset that we’ve declared Marshall Law, you have only yourself to blame, you and those people who write for your stupid webzine. You were making us look bad, mocking us and hurting our feelings. As long as guys like you were out there posting anti Bush stories on Google we were worried that we were gonna lose big time in November. I’ll tell you right now buster, that ain’t gonna happen, ever.”

Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of even more anonymity continued, “ We were hoping for another big Terrorist Attack in America, but all the damn terrorists are in Iraq; it’s much easier to kill Americans there rather than come to the U.S., so we decided not to take the chance. Marshall Law allows us to control the News; no more reports about torture, fighting in Iraq, the economy or pollution. And most importantly, no November Elections, thank God. John Kerry and Al Gore can look forward to a a long rest in Guantanamo Bay, the anti American scum.”

Finally, speaking on the condition of tons of anonymity, Waterhouse ended, “ You always said we in the Administration were too reactive, not proactive. Well, hows this for proactive you terrorist loving radical freak?”

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

Bush to upgrade White House

06.11.04 (6:59 am) [edit]

=http://img38.photobucket.com/...
[i]Bush's plan to upgrade the White House for his future role as Emperor along side Empress Condi[/i]

Architect to Bush - "But that's the Taj Mahal sir".

Bush to Architect - "Sure is son. Ain't it a doozy? Do you think me and Laura could live in that little bubble at the top? And, of course I want a special wing for my Queen Condi Rice".

Congress thought it was a joke. Until President Bush asked them for 13.5 billion dollars to "refurbish" the White House.

"Let me assure my voters", Senator Richard Durbin told his voters, "We are not giving Mr Bush a penny over 12 billion. He doesn't run this country, he doesn't even own most of it".

Mr Bush, if he has his way and he always does will first knock down the existing White House, sell off all it's contents and use the proceeds to construct a carbon copy mirror image of the Taj Mahal in it's place.

"We may have to bulldoze a couple of adjacent neighborhoods", the architects explained, "otherwise we won't be able to fit that quarter mile reflecting pool in there. Mr Bush is adamant about that pool".

Laura Bush appears more excited about the garage sale than about her majestic new home. She remarked ...

"I've always loved those yard sales, ever since I was a commoner. Now I can get rid of that ghastly Lincoln 4 post bed. And, don't get me started on those horrid paisley curtains that Betsy Ross made. What was she thinking?".

However, Condi Rice is extremely excited and is threatening to investigate all Congressmen opposed to the idea. She also wants money set-aside for a diamond tiara that she will wear while dining on Bush's lap.

The Supreme Court is checking all the fine print on the back of the constitution searching for any tidbit they could use to stop President Bush from bulldozing the White House and selling all it's contents in a garage sale. Bill Gates when informed of the sale did tell reporters that he'd like to get his hands on George Washington's bed stand .. if the price was right.

White House staff are trying to squash rumors that Bush is really intending to make the changes for his Queen Condi. But oddly, Laura Bush doesn't seem upset:-- Rumors are that she is really a Stepford Wife. Laura Bush was overheard as saying "If George wants to be Emperor with Condi as his Empress, that's okay by me.".

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

Bush Mistakes Monkey for Osama, Monkeys Arrested & Tortured ...

06.09.04 (8:51 am) [edit]

Washington D.C. – Animal rights activists gathered in the country’s Capitol upon hearing that President Bush had mistaken a family of Peruvian monkeys for Osama Bin Laden and his followers. The primates were transported to an Iraqi prison where they have been held for questioning. Reports of monkey prisoner abuse arose when pictures of the naked monkeys were published by the New York Times. In the pictures the guards appear to be humiliating the naked monkeys.

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[i]A naked monkey appears to be humiliated at an Iraqi Prison[/i]

At a White House briefing, Condolesa Rice stated that there was “credible evidence” that the monkeys could have been involved with the terrorists tied to the 9-11 attacks on the U.S. However, according to an internal source, who spoke under anonymity, President Bush had mistaken the Peruvian monkeys for Osama and his gang after watching a special on Animal Planet. No word yet on which special it was but experts speculate it was the “Peruvian Monkeys Are Not Terrorists” special, which aired last Saturday on Animal Planet during mid-day.

The animal rights activists protested the captivity of the monkeys and chanted creative slogans. “You’re Stupid Bush”, “Monkey’s are People Too”, and “How would you like it if you were a monkey and were put in captivity with your family after being taken from your nice home in Peru” were some of the chants used. When the relatives of the monkeys were reached for comment in Peru they stated “oooh, aggg, oooh ooohg oohg, aahhh, ooogh ooogh, ahhhh”, a statement echoed by other members of the monkey community.

Filmmaker Michael Moore said he is currently working on a documentary that ties the Bush family to the family of Peruvian monkeys. A White House spokesperson called Moore’s claims as “ludicrous and unfounded”. However, Bush has been rumored to have been having a strange craving for bananas recently.

=http://img38.photobucket.com/...
[i]Bush seems to be undergoing a bizarre transformation[/i]

Animal rights activitists say that Bush should at least show some concern for his own kind. Bush's White House staff said that he was enraged upon observing that a monkey bearing a close resemblance to himself was pictured being tortured ...

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

Bush says Iraq can act as acorn of change in the Middle East

06.09.04 (8:37 am) [edit]

President Bush yesterday told the G8 meeting that Iraq can act as an acorn allowing change to spread throughout the Middle East.

Bush is anxious to press his case that Iraq can prompt wider change in the Middle East and the United States has made an initiative to promote reform in the region a centrepiece of the Sea Island summit.

“The evil torturing Arab dictators of Iraq are a thing of the past,” the President told those assembled. “… now they have torturing raping allied troops instead.”

He then appealed to the G8 countries for increased support.

“If it can bring around such radical change in Iraq, we can do it throughout the Middle East, but we need your help. Send your citizens to 'sacrifice' themselves, and Halliburton & my Texas oil cronies will be forever grateful.” Some of the G8 leaders tried to remind Bush that their citizens are not keen to be killed in a war to enrich Bush's corporate cronies, and then Bush got mad and left the room.

[u]See also[/u]: Nuclear Consortium to Build Al-Quaida Targets on http://www.bigfib.com/issue19...

[i]Satire by BIGfib[/i]: http://www.bigfib.com/issue22...

A Paid Advertisement by George W. Bush

06.08.04 (6:59 am) [edit]

My fellow Americans: As your President, I have tried my best to make all the money flow to the rich where it can do the most good [and after all, low-lifes who aren't rich don't deserve it]. I have tried to give my friends in the oil bidness all the breaks they deserve. Meanwhile, the Democrats have decided to try to win the White House from me before I serve my two terms. Let me tell you a few things about my opponent, Senator John Kerry. John Kerry is the son of Russian atomic spies who were condemned to death; I was born into a humble farm family and was a member of 4H. John Kerry did not go to Yale like I did; he attended Flotsam Community College and got mostly C's and D's. John Kerry dodged the draft and ran up to Canada instead of serving two tours in 'Nam like I did. John Kerry never won any medals; I have four Purple Hearts, a Buck Rogers secret decoder ring, and two Congressional Medals of Honor.

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[i]"I'm George W. Bush and I approved this message."[/i]

John Kerry is not married to Teresa Heinz; she is a Senator-collecting brazen hussy of a harlot and they are living together in sin. I'm married to Laura and we've had sex only once. Laura didn't even smile--I guarantee it! They have a whole string of big fancy houses and drive around in limos; we live down here at the ranch and I drive a beat up old pickup.

John Kerry does not believe in God; I have been saved by the Lord. Every world leader despises John Kerry; I have all the leaders of the free world wrapped around my little pinky. John Kerry (and especially that slutty little foul-mouthed Teresa) have no understanding of art, culture, music and history; my achievements in these areas are well known among the intelligentsia.

John Kerry is a lying, cheating, ignorant piss ant of a man... and I'm gonna whup his ass come November.

[u]Aside to Karl Rove ([i]off-microphone[/i])[/ u]: See Karl, We [i]Can[/i] Fool All of These Dupes All of the Time. I'm [i]Smarter[/i] Than Abe Lincoln!

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

Bush: Vote for me, or I'm launching the Nukes!!!

06.08.04 (6:52 am) [edit]

President Bush, in a stunning announcement in the White House Rose Garden today, declared that his new campaign slogan will be "Vote For me, or I'm launching the Nukes!" The national press corps (and assorted housewives and unemployed losers watching it live on Fox News Channel) at first thought it some sort of joke.

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[i]Giving us The Finger (On The Button)[/i]

"It's no joke," said Senator Tom Daschle, “he called a select few of us in from the House and Senate and told us of his plans before the speech. We thought he was joking at first too. Colin Powell, who was at the meeting, assured us he was not. It seems the President has changed the launch codes, and now he is the only one who knows them. Once changed, they can only be altered by someone who knows the code. Once we knew he wasn't joking, we threatened to impeach him immediately. He replied that if I, or any member of the House or Senate even mention the word 'impeach' again that he would launch the nukes. He's quite mad, really."

"Who misunderestimated who now?" said an obviously deranged President as he exited the Rose Garden. "I found the weapons of mass destruction alright...I've got em'! When you go cast your vote this November, just remember, I'll be sitting there watching the election returns with Laura and the kids, probably drunk as a skunk, and I'll have my hand on the button. If things start looking bad...watch out! Vote your conscience if you want, but it'll be your asses that get blown up!"

In what was to be a short speech to draw attention to National "Herpes Prevention Month," the President threw a giant sized monkey wrench into the upcoming election. "What really scared people," said Senator Daschle, "was when he said he was aiming some of the nukes at the states that didn't vote for him the last time, as well as France, Germany, Cuba, Russia, China, Barbara Streisand's house, Dan Rather's ass... and 'a buncha places I can't pronounce'. Hell, that could be almost anywhere."

A CBS NewsNew York Times Poll taken immediately after the speech shows that Bush's new strategy, while perhaps insane, may be right on target. When asked "would you vote for Bush or Kerry if voting for Kerry would result in World War Three, and probably getting incinerated by a Nuclear Bomb, 99.9% of the respondents said they would vote for Bush. Even John Kerry, contacted by The Spoof, seems to be swayed. "I guess I'll wait till next time," said the Senator, "I don't want to be blown to bits either."

Most Americans now say that security is far more important than democracy, freedom or their rights, unlike the 16,000 dead Iraqis whom Bush despatched to Allah who died for [i]what[/i]?

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

President Bush's Homo Alert System, Again!!! ...

06.07.04 (8:41 am) [edit]

President Bush on Thursday announced the creation of a new alert system that will allow the country to know current risk levels of homosexuality at any given time. The system will coordinate risk factors with current US intelligence to determine the level of risk homosexuals pose to modern civilization as we know it. Masterminded by Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter, Mary, working in collaboration with Newt Gingrich’s lesbian sister, and Ronald Reagan’s gay son, the program will access the latest cultural trends and factor in the gay agenda, making all Americans aware of the current status of homosexuality within our borders. Also helping with the project were Jenna and Barbara Bush, the President’s twin daughters, but only that one time when they were really, really, drunk

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Recent success of television shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, the L Word, Will and Grace, and Queer as Folk have put our current risk level at Orange Alert... don’t drop the soap. President Bush issued a press release warning the country to keep their boxers on frontward in the face of this impending danger that threatens the very fabric of our survival as a species.

Also putting America at risk is the stubborn insistence of some big city mayors to uphold the US Constitution by administering gay weddings across the country, despite public outcry from mostly frumpish, oftentimes divorced, disgruntled straight voters who can’t bear to see anyone happy.

Last week on an episode of Pat Robertson’s The 700 Club, Reverend Jerry Falwell blamed the terrorist bombing in Madrid, Spain on gay weddings happening here, right now, in America. Falwell has endorsed Bush’s Homo Alert System because “it will make God loving normal people aware of their sinful c$&# licking and c*%& sucking neighbors.”

"And by the way," Falwell added, "Spain is full of a bunch of fags. The Bible says so."

Bush and Cheney declined to comment when asked about their rumored homosexual dalliance saying that Condi Rice could confirm it is false because she is the one who is with Bush night and day.

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of the Neo-Cons' Scapegoats!!!

06.07.04 (8:37 am) [edit]

[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]

[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]

Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffet...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like Question, SisterTalk, WhyNot, SpyMaster, WinstonSmith & SamAdams again ...
Blame George Tenet...
Blame the CIA again...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the Lefties who don't worship Ronald Reagan...
Blame the Lefties who uncover Bush-GOP lies about Kerry...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over and over again...

[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]

[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]

Donald Rumsfeld in Sex Shocker!

06.06.04 (1:57 pm) [edit]

The Pentagon press corps was embarrassed by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld's "coming out" announcement this morning at the 9 A. M. briefing. Mr. Rumsfeld, normally conservative in appearance and manner, seemed uncharacteristically at ease as he introduced Rod Sohard who stood behind him throughout the 30-minute briefing. "Ever since I was a young boy in Chicago, I was interested in firemen. Rod is quite the expert on hoses, you know..." After several members of the press ran from the room, a reporter from Defense Weekly asked if Secretary Rumsfeld had any plans to resign. "Oh no," said Rumsfeld, "I'm rather enjoying myself as you can see."

=http://img38.photobucket.com/...
[i]Rumsfeld: "I really like this!"[/i]

"I had to keep quiet about my gay side while I was at Princeton and later on while I was on active duty in the Navy, but now that it's near certain that my boss is going to lose his job this fall--I figured I might as well have some fun! I thought all you boys had me figured out years ago... you know... with that standing desk of mine... and all the firemen coming and going... and all those fire alarms!"

The Secretary and his friend finished up what they were doing and left the room----ignoring a smartly dressed Spoof reporter who asked, "But what about 'Don't ask, don't tell' Mr. Secretary?"

------

Although Mr. Rumsfeld refused comment, YOU can tell us what you think---by voting in the poll at the upper right hand corner of this page on http://www.thespoof.com/news/... .

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

Cheney Displays Trophy of Bushy-boy ...

06.05.04 (3:47 pm) [edit]

(WASHINGTON) - The President may show off Saddam Hussein's gun to White House visitors, but that’s nothing compared to what Vice President Cheney keeps in a glass case outside his office.

=http://img27.photobucket.com/...
[i]Cheney's Prized Keep-sake Bush Top-Gun Action Figure[/i]

Frequent visitors to the West Wing revealed yesterday that the Machiavellian No. 2 man keeps a small trophy of the President in his waiting area. The plastic statuette, built to 1/12 scale, is reportedly one of Cheney's most prized keepsakes.

=http://img27.photobucket.com/...
[i]Cheney's 2nd Prized Keep-sake Bush Doll (Reported to be hidden under his pillow, but Cheney aides deny it saying it is really kept in the bathroom. Hmmm.)[/i]

"He's so proud of that dang thing," says receptionist Jenny Walters. "Nobody sets foot in this office without hearing the whole story of how 'the real folks in charge' gave it to him after 'winning' the election." In fact, Cheney is said to be acquiring a collection of Bush dolls.

Cheney's assistant 'Scooter' Libby had to hold Cheney back during a press conference because Cheney was fondling the Bush dolls in an odd, some would say, "overly-affectionate" manner. (Photo not printed because it is inappropriate and deemed unfit for children, young people or adults for that matter.)

[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...

FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of the Neo-Cons' Scapegoats!!!

06.05.04 (3:43 pm) [edit]

[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]

[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]

Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffet...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...
Blame Other Liberal Tbloggers like Question, SisterTalk, WhyNot, SpyMaster, WinstonSmith & SamAdams again ...
Blame George Tenet...
Blame the CIA again...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over and over again...

[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]

[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]

Bush Introduces Homo Alert System!!!

06.03.04 (8:26 am) [edit]

FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of the Neo-Cons' Scapegoats!!!

06.03.04 (8:22 am) [edit]

[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]

[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]

Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffet...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Kerry again for lying ('cause Bush sure doesn't!!!) ...
Blame Free-Speech Advocates...
Blame Thinking People (Liberals & Conservatives) who don't like Rush Limbaugh...
Blame John McCain...
Blame Republicans Against Bush...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over again...
Blame Working People for wanting to be paid Overtime while CEOs rake in Hundreds of Millions in Golden-Pay-Packets...
Blame the Left again for wanting to hold Bush accountable...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 over and over and over again...

[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]

[b]Of course, we might ask if an over-indulgence of Cheetos & Mountain Dew contributes to brain-damage ... but that's for another day ...[/b]

New Iraqi Prime Minister Says to Bush: "Disarm or We'll Disarm You"

06.02.04 (7:21 am) [edit]

Vowing to defend his country against "all enemies and threats, real or perceived," Iraq’s incoming Prime Minister Ayad Alawi has issued a stern warning to American President George W. Bush: "Disarm or Iraq and a coalition of the occupied and oppressed will disarm you."

Alawi’s remarks came during a speech at the Baghdad Conventions and Visitor’s Center, where he addressed members of the media and the approximately twelve Iraqis whom it is believed do not fully oppose the new interim government.

"Iraq and the world changed after March 19, 2003," Allawi said, referring to the US invasion of Iraq. "We can longer afford to sit and wait to be attacked, but must confront our enemies for the sake of democracy and freedom, here and abroad." Alawi noted that Iraqi intelligence indicated that the United States was in possession of weapons of mass destruction and prepared to use them in order to "inflict the fundamentalist ideologies of the Bush Administration and Halliburton."

The Iraqi ultimatum was met with overwhelmingly favorable reactions from members of the United Nations Security Council. "Bush is a gathering storm," noted German Ambassador Dr. Gunter Pleuger, who added "I also fear he may be a little barbaric." Such sentiments were echoed by representatives of Romania, the Russian Federation, China, and France. The French Ambassador was quick to note, however, that he was reluctant to support Iraq's efforts to disarm Bush because "everyone will expect us to, and we hate being predictable."

Not surprisingly, the United Kingdom and the United States have been less enthusiastic. According to Secretary of State Colin Powell, there is "no actionable intelligence" that supports the need for disarming the Bush Administration. National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice added that the criticisms being lobbed at President Bush were "hardly fitting or appropriate for a democratically elected leader."

In spite of the current conflict, Alawi claims that he has learned about leadership from the American President. "President Bush has taught me that I do not need the support of my people to carry out my wishes." Offering reporters a smirk that was clearly inspired by the US President he added, "Now it's off to some fund raisers!"

[i]Satire by DeadBrain[/i]: http://www.deadbrain.com/news...

FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of the Neo-Cons' Scapegoats!!!

06.01.04 (9:46 am) [edit]