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| Bush decries "partisan" Congress for establishing Memorial Day |
| 05.31.04 (2:21 pm) [edit] |
WASHINGTON -- President Bush criticized the 1971 U.S. Congress for their official establishment of Memorial Day, calling them "petty partisans" attempting to politicize the occupation of Iraq.
![]() =http://img27.photobucket.com/...
[i]President Bush feeling painful effects of selective memory loss during today's press conference[/i].
"Memorial Day is obviously a ploy on the part of the 92nd Congress to remind the nation of the mounting death toll in Operation Just Cause," said the President from the Oval Office, where he was hiding out for the balance of the day to avoid being stopped on the street and guilted into placing wreaths on gravestones. "They have stepped over the line in making awareness of the loss of lives in the line of duty a public matter."
While the 92nd Congress has not convened since December 1972, Bush called on the 34% of them still alive to do so and reverse "this flagrant attempt to make our mission in Iraq about the fighting and the dying, and not the grand liberation of a nation from the after effects of colonialism."
Bush further suggested that since Americans already have the day off from work, they should spend it doing more mundane things like barbequing, beach-going, watching elderly men and pretty young ladies waving from pickup trucks, and avoiding cemeteries, in blissful ignorance of the alleged meaning of the holiday.
Living members of the 92nd Congress met the news regarding their Memorial Day legislation with confusion, hearty laughter, and offers to throw another piece of chicken on the grill.
President Bush said that he will try to "get Congress to pass a Constitutional Amendment" so that in the future Memorial Day will be used to remind the nation of happy-go-lucky AWOL ne'er-do-wells whose rich Daddys got their Frat-Boys out of serving their nation and were partying and having a great ole' time instead of all that "unpleasant stuff like dying and being injured". "I can relate to [i]that[/i]" said Bush.
[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| FOR WHOM THE BLAME TOLLS!!! - An Update of the List of Scapegoats!!! |
| 05.30.04 (12:28 pm) [edit] |
[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America terribly vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]
[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]
Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Ted Kennedy...
Blame the U.S. Constitution...
Blame Robert Byrd...
Blame the Geneva Conventions...
Blame Paul Krugman...
Blame the Bill of Rights...
Blame Maureen Dowd...
Blame Warren Buffet...
Blame the Environmental Whackos...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame the AFL-CIO...
Blame Science...
Blame Scientists...
Blame those Who Love The Planet...
Blame Intellectuals...
Blame the Environmental Protection Agency...
Blame the Media again...
Blame the Rule of Law...
Blame Left-Wing Tbloggers: WhyNot, WinstonSmith, SamAdams, DianneMaire, CheckItOut, SpyMaster, PatriotActs, CarteBlanche, IconoclasticDeer, therealspartacus007, DrForbush, LittleMrMahatma, UsefulIdiot, jimmytherighteous, whoisjohngalt, etc....
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame PBS...
Blame NEA...
Blame Public School Teachers...
Blame Protestors...
Blame Free Speech Advocates...
Blame the United Nations...
Blame the Ragheads, Wogs & Other Minorities...
Blame History, Geography, Culture & Knowledge...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame 9/11 again...
[b]'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]
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| For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!! ... Have I Missed Anybody??? ... |
| 05.28.04 (10:10 am) [edit] |
[b]Who is to blame for Bush's disastrous failures in Iraq and leaving America vulnerable to terrorist attacks???[/b]
[b]For Whom The BLAME Tolls!!![/b]
Blame Clinton...
Blame 9/11...
Blame the Media...
Blame Paul O'Neill...
Blame the Liberals...
Blame Richard Clarke...
Blame the Press...
Blame Joseph Wilson...
Blame John F. Kerry...
Blame the Gays...
Blame Al Gore...
Blame Pro-Choice Women...
Blame Ret. General Zinni...
Blame the Palestinians...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Iraqis themselves...
Blame the Liberals again...
Blame Working people...
Blame the Democrats...
Blame Al Gore again...
Blame the BBC...
Blame the French...
Blame Hollywood...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame the Germans...
Blame Iran...
Blame NPR...
Blame Ralph Nader...
Blame Hillary...
Blame Clinton again...
Blame Working Moms...
Blame the Russians...
Blame Syria...
Blame the Media again...
Blame Amnesty International...
Blame People Who Take Pictures...
Blame the Red Cross...
Blame George Soros...
Blame 9/11 again...
Blame Noam Chomsky...
Blame China...
Blame Gore Vidal...
Blame Michael Moore...
Blame Liberals again...
Blame the Left...
Blame the Muslims...
Blame Bill Moyers...
Blame U.S. Military "Bad Apples"...
Blame Whistle-blowers...
Blame the Press again...
Blame 9/11 again...
[b]Have I missed anybody???
'Cause nothin' that [i]goes wrong [/i]could possibly be Dubya, the Useful Idiot's[i] fault[/i], right???[/b]
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| Bush To Wage War With Canada!!! |
| 05.27.04 (2:49 pm) [edit] |
WASHINGTON DC (AP)
President Bush and Vice President Cheney have been working out the final details for their plan to invade Canada. Few people outside the Oval Office seemed willing to guess which genius is the brains behind the latest war plans, but the Washington rumor mill has been working overtime. Spoof photographer Jimmy Olson caught the two leaders in deep thought during the brief photo op.
![]() =http://img27.photobucket.com/...
[i]Dick Cheney and George W. Bush after complex strategy session...[/i]
The latest intelligence reports from the CIA hint strongly that there is a secret Canadian plan to infect millions of Americans with colds and sniffles. President Bush has insisted that he would advance a pre-emptive military strike to protect the safety of United States citizens.
The White House has steadfastly refused to comment about Vice President Cheney's past employment at Warner-Lambert, Inc--- the manufacturer of Sudafed and other cold remedies.
Executives at Warner-Lambert, Inc were also unavailable for comment as they are extremely busy on a top-priority research project to find a new drug that might help Bush overcome his congenital stupidity.
[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Bush’s Brain Jumps Out Of Ear |
| 05.26.04 (2:33 pm) [edit] |
(Washington, D.C.) It is being reported in Washington, D.C. that President George W. Bush’s brain has jumped out of his ear and run away. Sources indicate that the President has shown no serious after effects save marginally better enunciation.
Photographs taken at the time clearly show the brain leaving President Bush’s ear and follow up shots seem to show no serious decline in the President’s performance or health.
Doctors questioned stated that this was highly unusual behavior, but not unprecedented. “Ollie North, for example, lost his brain as a young man jumping off the roof of his garage repeatedly to cure his sore knee. It happens.”
William Popiel, spokesman for the President, said it was nonsense. “You heard him last night, he sounded like a man with a brain then, right?”
Doctors refuse to corroborate Popiel's statement ...
[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Bush Reveals Tentative Plan to Invade Schwinn |
| 05.24.04 (2:49 pm) [edit] |
A slightly scraped and bruised George W. Bush expressed his recent desire to advance military forces, and gain governing control over the Schwinn Corporation. “This might be considered an abrupt decision” said President Bush. “But recent events have led us to believe they are a threat to our country, to our freedom and to our very lives.”
The Schwinn Corporation, which is located in Madison Wisconsin, has ignored requests from the White House to allow inspectors tour its facilities. “I would not say we are ignoring them” claims Schwinn Marketing Director Andy Burntz, “as much as we are just really, really confused.”
“We have given Schwinn 30 days to meet our demands” added President Bush. “If they continue to turn their backs, we will have no choice but to use force.”
President Bush said he would not turn to the U.N. for assistance against Schwinn. “The U.N. is too bureaucratic to act swiftly in situations such as this. This administration learned its lesson last year when they refused our proposal to invade Frito-lay.”
Frito-lay finally conceded to make child-proof pretzels just for President Bush, so he backed-off on [i]that pre-emptive strike [/i]...
[i]Satire by Steve Tanner[/i]: http://www.brokennewz.com/dis...
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| George W Bush: Speechless |
| 05.23.04 (1:04 pm) [edit] |
![]() =http://img33.photobucket.com/...
The United States of America looks like it is going to be put under full F.E.M.A controlled marshal law, with full Red Alert status after a high priority national 'treat' occurred today.
Mr. Bush's 'word man', Mr Karl Rove ([i]picture right[/i]), has come down with a permanent case of amnesia this morning after falling and bumping his head on a copy of the phased out U.S constitution.
Telly prompter reader Mr. Bush, having heard about this accident today, started waving his hands about furiously making 'charades' type gestures to his staff, trying to get them, to get him an immediate replacement 'word man', to put words back into his mouth.
A global search for a musician called “Meat Loaf” had begun after lunch, in a bid to find this fellow that once or twice wrote; “You took the word's right out of my mouth”.
An avid player of the game of ‘charades’, this reporter can now report that Mr. Bush's recent hand signals on national television, suggest he was anxious to have Mr Loaf put some words back into 'his' mouth.
Attorney general John Ashcroft ([i]picture left[/i]) said today, using his own ability to speak for himself; “[i]I've been wanting to lock down the country with my post 9/11 laws called the 'Patriot Act'. Now that Mr. Bush's current 'word man' has fallen ill, my chance is near. But I'll first have to make sure that Mr. Loaf is never found. I'll give Tom (Ridge) a call[/i].”
Mr. Bush using the horned hand devil signal, ([i]picture middle[/i]) frantically waved his right arm around for an hour and a half in an attempt to attract the attention of Mr. Loaf on Reuters news channel today.
If anyone knows the were abouts of Mr. Loaf, could they please get him to contact the White House ASAP.
[i]Satire by The Spoof[/i]: http://www.thespoof.com/news/...
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| Bush To Make Film To Oust Michael Moore From Hollywood ... |
| 05.22.04 (2:55 pm) [edit] |
George Bush has revealed his intention to make a film that exposes some of film producer Michael Moore’s dark secrets and release it before the 2004 Presidential Election. The film comes after Michael Moore’s film ‘Fahrenheit 9-11’ premiered at the Cannes film festival receiving mixed reviews despite a 15-minute standing ovation.
The President has already managed to generate publicity for his film by claiming that Disney has refused to distribute his film. Disney though has denied this and says the reason it is not distributing Mr Bush’s film is because he has yet to make it.
The President is apparently hard at work thinking up plot lines and researching Michael Moore’s background. Apparently the film will revolve around a scandal two years ago when Michael Moore ate all of his neighbour’s donuts.
“Look at how sinister this character is,” Mr Bush explained, “He claims that I am abusing my position of power, have ties with Osama Bin Laden and have illegally invaded Iraq. However this comes from a man who stole all of his neighbour donuts after being invited into his home.”
People who have seen Michael Moore’s film have claimed that whilst it raises serious questions they do not think it will cause serious damage to President Bush’s presidential campaign. However following the announcement of Mr Bush’s film about Michael Moore, book makers have claimed that it is now extremely unlikely for Mr Moore to become President in this year’s elections.
President Bush has attributed it to the strength of his film documentary about Michael Moore’s donut stealing days, however critics have claimed it is more likely down to the fact Michael Moore is not likely to stand as a Presidential candidate. They have claimed it is a bad idea for Mr Bush to try and fight Michael Moore on his home ground as he tried that with the Iraqis and has just ended up making a mess of the situation.
The Cannes Film Festival committee has promised President Bush that they will provide him with[i] lots of pretzels [/i]at his premiere opening of his film ...
[i]Satire by Random Perspective:[/i] http://www.randomperspective....
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
On a [i]serious[/i] note folks, refer to "[b]'10 reasons Bush doesn't want you to see Michael Moore's new film'[/b]" on http://www.tblog.com/template...
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| Bush Memo to Rumsfeld: The Iraqi People Are Now 'Free' To Be Raped!!! Well Done!!! |
| 05.08.04 (8:46 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Donald Rumsfeld, My Man & Master-Rapist ([i]Shocked-and-Surprised At Every Bungled Disaster, But Is A Genius Along With Wolfowitz[/i]!!!)
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno ([i]Can't Afford Any More Revelatory Books to Come Out Before the (S)election, So I'll Stand By You, Rummy[/i]!!!)
[b]Subject:[/b] The Iraqi People Are Now 'Free' To Be Raped!!! Well Done!!!
[i]Well done[/i], Rummy!!! Why don't these[i] liberal bleedin'-heart scum-bags [/i]recognize that we're turning Iraq into a[i] mirror-image [/i]of the good ole' U.S. of A.???[i] He he he[/i]!!!
Hell, our U.S. Soldiers are just having[i] fun, fun, and more fun[/i]!!! Kind of like what Me & My Queen Condi [i]do to each other[/i], when Laura is at our Crawford Palace ... And, after all, it[i] ain't a hell of alot different [/i]from what Me and My Frat-Buddies at Skull-and-Bones [i]do to each other[/i] during our initiation ceremonies ... My best buddy Rush Limbaugh[i] tried [/i]to explain http://www.talkingpointsmemo.... that we're just having a good ole' time, kind of like when Grand-Poppy used to go [i]coon-huntin' [/i]and[i] lynched them nig---- [/i]([i]Ooopppsss[/i], My Queen Condi might read this, but [i]you know what I mean [/i]...) ...
Keep up the[i] good work[/i], and [i]don't worry:-- [/i]I'm standing by you,[i] no matter what anybody says [/i]...
Numero Uno.
P.S. You ain't [i]writing [/i]any books, are you??? [i]Whew[/i]!!!
P.P.S. You understand that I [i]had to leak [/i]that stuff about being upset with you, to calm those [i]bleedin'-heart liberal scumbags [/i]who don't know how to have a good time, and could cause me[i] some problems [/i]in November. But I ain't really sure [i]why[/i] Karl Rove thinks so, since we've got my best crony, Walden-boy O'Dell over at Diebold Electronic Voting to [i]sort this out [/i]so that the votes are counted [i]right[/i]: for Me, Numero Uno. [i]He he he[/i]!!!
* * * * * * * * * * * * *[i] satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
Bush in panic bid to curb torture scandal, http://www.smirkingchimp.com/...
The Red Cross accuses: 'The photos are shocking, but our reports are worse', http://www.smirkingchimp.com/...
'Rape rooms: A chronology', http://www.smirkingchimp.com/...
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| Bush Memo to Disney: Thanks for Squashing Michael Moore Like A Cockroach ... |
| 05.05.04 (4:55 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Disney, GOP Fantasy Factory ([i]I Love Mickey Mouse Cartoons & Watch Them Instead of Reading PDBs!!![/i])
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno ([i]I'm A "Genius"!!![/i])
[b]Subject:[/b] Thanks for Squashing Michael Moore Like A Cockroach ...
Hey, [i]great job [/i]in squashing that liberal scumbag Michael Moore like a cockroach ... "We're a free society" so long as you only show movies and cartoons that I, Numero Uno,[i] approve of [/i]... Only stuff I want distributed is fit for the American people ... It is my job to decide for Americans what they [i]need to see [/i]and what they [i]don't need to see [/i]... Americans can't decide that for themselves because they'll be overly influenced by liberal scumbags like Michael Moore ...
All that stuff Michael Moore wants to show about my personal relationship with the bin Laden and House of Saud families[i] doesn't need to be seen [/i]by Americans ... It'll just [i]confuse[/i] the poor American folks ... Fahrenheit 911, [i]he calls it[/i]??? ... My America is [i]nothing[/i] like Fahrenheit 451/911!!! ... [b]Burn his god-damned film!!![/b] ...
Jeb sends his thanks to you[i] too[/i]. You can be sure that Jeb will see you get plenty more tax breaks in Florida this next year.
Numero Uno.
P.S. Any chance of crushing the Palestinians like cockroaches [i]too[/i]??? Tom DeLay & Wolfowitz want a cartoon showing those god-damned Palestinians as "drunken cockroaches" http://www.counterpunch.org/n... ... That'll make Ariel Sharon[i] tickled pink [/i]...
P.P.S. My Queen Condi thinks I'm her husband. Please make a cartoon movie for her showing us[i] together [/i]... We'll be happy to pose for "private" ([i]not[/i] G-rated ... it'll be[i] fun, fun, fun[/i]) photos together ...[i] but not for distribution, of course[/i]!!! (Oh, and[i] don't tell [/i]Laura!!!)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
"More GOP Corporate Censorship: Un-American Soviet-Style Trashing of Freedom!!!", http://www.tblog.com/template...
"Is Bush Really A "Genius"??? ...", http://www.tblog.com/template...
"Rice's Freudian Slip ...", http://www.tblog.com/template...
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