Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
My Links
Winston Smith's Daily Journal
Sam Adams' CounterPoint
Dr. Forbush Thinks . . . . . .
La Carte Blanche's Blog
Question Authority's Blog
CheckItOut Anti-Neoconservative
Mike's Thoughts - A Liberal View
Life, Liberty, Logic by therealspartacus007
Iconoclastic Deer's Blog
Lucid Dreams by DragonBait22
Liberal Revolution by Progressive
Patriot Acts . . . . . . . . . . . .
Who Is John Galt: Wasting My Time
Life's Short, Laugh Often by gesn
Electronic Heroin by lisalisax2
X-Files by the Spy Master
Little Mr Mahatma's Blog
Rasta's Behind Enemy Headlines
Seeking Freedom & Liberty by rcarter8766
Pourquoi pas? by WhyNot
Bouillabaisse by DianneMaire
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Bush Memo to Karl Rove: The Politics of Being Poor |
| 12.31.03 (10:18 am) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Karl Rove, [i]My[/i] Joseph Goebbles
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno ([i]Herr Fuhrer[/i])
[b]Subject:[/b] The Politics of Being Poor
The god-damned [i]New York Times [/i]is getting out of hand ... You better get in touch with those god-damned [i]liberal scumbags [/i]and tell them to stop all of their god-damned propagandizing about skyrocketing poverty, dwindling jobs, and an increasingly appalling health care crisis in the United States of America.
Hell, I'm the [b]C[/b]ompassionate [b]C[/b]onservative ... Hell, I pray every night for things to get better for everybody ... Hell, maybe someday we can do something after the corporations, my family & my rich campaign contributors have gotten all of [i]our[/i] just rewards! After all, if some are homeless, or unemployed, or without health care-- it must be God's [i]will[/i], right?!?!
Instead of asking corporations and the wealthiest among us to pay our fair share of taxes, in order to help out a bunch of [i]low-lifes[/i], we ought to ask everybody to get together and sing [i]Kumbaya[/i] ... It does wonders for me & Condi! Taking action to resolve problems in order for our citizens to be provided the [i]basics[/i] needed in order to survive, simply isn't the way God planned things: [i]He told me so! [/i]... Why don't you tell the [i]NY Times [/i]to start publishing excerpts from the Bible as their New Year's Resolution.
Numero Uno.
P.S. God Bless America & Happy New Year!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Source:[/b]
The Budget Politics of Being Poor, http://www.nytimes.com/2003/1...
|
|
|
| |
| Laura Bush Memo to Dubya: You Didn't Write That Poem |
| 12.30.03 (8:05 am) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Dubya, Numero 2.
[b]From:[/b] Laura ([i]She Who Must Be Obeyed[/i])
[b]Subject:[/b] You [i]Didn't [/i]Write That Poem
Dear George,
Please remember that you didn't write that "Roses are red, violets are blue" poem that I read at a National Book Festival gala in October http://www.nytimes.com/2003/1... , although I attributed it to you ... since Karl Rove [i]cornered me [/i]and told me that you did. But, you're simply not that clever, sweetie.
I went along with the charade because you were having such a difficult time in October, when no WMDs were found in Iraq, the death toll in Iraq continued unabated on a daily basis, and, Saddam Hussein & Osama bin Laden were still at large. [i]Ooopppsss[/i], Osama bin Laden [i]is still at large[/i], isn't he-- and he is the one whose Al Qaida network attacked us on 9/11, not Saddam, right? Didn't you say that you were going to get Osama "[i]dead or alive[/i]"? ... This is just why I don't like all of that[i] macho-man tough-talk[/i]: it bears no resemblance to [i]your[/i] rather, shall I say, [i]timid[/i] actions!
Our friends back in Crawford are also asking where those massive stockpiles of WMDs are, and why the number of Americans killed in Iraq [i]continues to occur daily[/i], with no end in sight, although we've captured Saddam Hussein. They're all thankful that none of their kids are [i]over there [/i]in Iraq. I'm sure glad that our daughters aren't [i]over there [/i]either.
I try to be supportive, dear, but you must tell your staff to please stop asking those of us [i]who know you intimately[/i] to attribute [i]to you [/i]words that simply are not your own ... Frankly, it doesn't take long for others to discover who actually writes your speeches, letters and poems ... because literacy was never one of your strong points.
The Real Numero Uno.
P.S. Why do you think I'm so active in promoting reading programs for children? ... Sigh, I know what it is to live with a big kid who doesn't read ... [i]Bbbooorrriiinnnggg ...[/i]
P.P.S. Does Condi [i]have to come over [/i]for the SuperBowl game again this year? She is practically [i]living[/i] with us, or should I say, [i]you[/i]!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Source:[/b]
Laura Bush Has Words of Advice for Americans and Her Husband, http://www.nytimes.com/2003/1...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo to Don Rumsfeld: "Stop-Loss" Ain't Stopping the Losses |
| 12.29.03 (2:39 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Don Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Defense
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno ([i]Commander-and-Chiefta n[/i])
[b]Subject:[/b] "Stop-Loss" [i]Ain't[/i] Stopping the Losses
"Twice as many US soldiers have been killed or wounded in action in the past four months as in the previous four, despite their commanders' claim to have made significant gains against the resistance." http://www.theage.com.au/arti...
Happily, Don, not many Americans give a damn that more U.S. troops have been killed since my war in Iraq began over 8 months ago, than during the first 3 years of Vietnam. Out of 478 deaths of U.S. soldiers, 339 perished since my 1st May "[i]Mission Accomplished[/i]" Top-Gun stunt (that Karl Rove tells me might [i]still work [/i]for our campaign in 2004 -- since most Americans don't give a damn that no "[i]mission[/i]" was "[i]accomplished[/i]")! http://www.antiwar.com/ewens/...
It is hilarious that 23 U.S. men & women in the military have been killed since Saddam Hussein was captured last Sunday, 14th December ... over 1.5 per day ([i]see, I'm good at math, after all [/i]...). [i]What a joke![/i] We said that the Iraqi people would be happy once Saddam Hussein was captured and nobody is asking any questions! Isn't life great!
Now, "... thousands of soldiers [are] forbidden to leave military service under the Army's "stop-loss" orders, intended to stanch the seepage of troops, through retirement and discharge, from a military stretched thin by its burgeoning overseas missions." http://www.washingtonpost.com...
"Stop-Loss" [i]ain't[/i] stopping the losses, Don! Not that I mind ... I'm no[i] wussy [/i]and would have shown-up for battle if I hadn't been partying, drinking & living the high life, all throughout the Vietnam war-- but I had "[i]other priorities[/i]" (If that [i]excuse [/i]is [i]good enough [/i]for Dick Cheney, it's [i]good enough [/i]for me ...) ... So I know "[i]first-hand[/i]" just how tough war [i]is[/i]!?!?!
But, with an election year coming up-- the Americans might get [i]antzy [/i]over our continued loss of life in Iraq-- after all, there [i]ain't[/i] no WMDs, Saddam Hussein [i]is [/i]captured, and they might start to [i]ask[/i] why we're still [i]over there[/i]!
You know full well, that until I get the [i]go-ahead [/i]from Halliburton, Bechtel, Carlyle Group, Unocal and the rest, I can't pull out ... They've got to get their "[i]work[/i]" done and we've got to get control of the Iraqis' oil. What would those god-damned Iraqis [i]do[/i] will oil anyway? They can't [i]drink[/i] it!
So, please see if you can get the Brits (I'm mad at Tony Blair ... http://www.tblog.com/template... ... anyway -- Why do you think I let [i]Bremer Blast Blair!!![/i] http://www.tblog.com/template... ) or the Spaniards or the Aussies, get killed for a change? After all, without us, they would be relegated to the [i]under-class[/i] and punished, along with those ungrateful louts in "Old Europe", and stricken from all of our party invitations.
Numero Uno.
P.S. Keep up the good work on "stop-loss" as we'll need '[i]em[/i], come time to invade Syria, Iran and anyone whom I decide needs to be taught a lesson:-- After all, if they don't like [i]Democracy-Bush-Style[/ i], they don't [i]deserve[/i] to live, right!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
US death rate [in Iraq] worsening, http://www.theage.com.au/arti...
Army Stops Many Soldiers From Quitting: Orders Extend Enlistments to Curtail Troop Shortages, http://www.washingtonpost.com...
Casualties in Iraq: The Human Cost of Occupation, http://www.antiwar.com/ewens/...
Bush Memo To Tony Blair: Our Relationship, http://www.tblog.com/template...
Bush Memo To L. Paul Bremer: "The Red Herring", http://www.tblog.com/template...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To L. Paul Bremer: "The Red Herring" |
| 12.28.03 (8:51 am) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] L. Paul Bremer, Our Man in Baghdad
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno (America's [i]Emir[/i])
[b]Subject:[/b] "The [i]Red Herring[/i]"
Tony Blair called me last night in a fit of rage ([i]I thought he was going to keel over from apoplexy[/i]) after you contradicted his pre-Christmas statement that there was "[i]massive evidence of a huge system of clandestine laboratories[/i]" concealing those [i]pesky[/i] weapons-of-mass-destructi on!
You flatly dismissed Blair's claim as untrue and called it a "[i]red herring[/i]" of all things ... [i]Come 'on[/i], Paul ... I'm also getting a little bored & tired of Blair's [i]uppity[/i] demands! Who the hell does he think he is? After all, [i]I'M NUMERO UNO ... HE'S ONLY NUMERO 10![/i] http://www.tblog.com/template... .
However, the problem with your statement is that Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Condi, and [i]yours truly, Numero Uno[/i], have made similiar claims in the past! You just can't go around [i]shooting your mouth off[/i], without [u][b]first getting approval from Karl Rove[/b][/u].
After all, I might want to[i] feast [/i]and [i]prance-around [/i]again at Buckingham Palace, where I am [i]King of the World[/i]!
Numero Uno.
P.S. Besides, I might need Blair again in 2005, when we invade Syria, Iran and [i]anybody else [/i]who refuses to [i]worship at the altar [/i]of [i]my[/i] 3 [i]Cs[/i]: Bush-Style-[i]Capitalism- Christianity-and-Corporat ions[/i]!
P.P.S. Have[i] you [/i]seen Cheney anywhere? Condi can't find him ... http://www.tblog.com/template... ... Hmmm ...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Source:[/b]
Bush's man rejects Blair weapon claim, http://observer.guardian.co.u...,6903,1113182,00.html
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To Condi Rice: Where is Dick Cheney? |
| 12.27.03 (1:48 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Condi Rice, National Security Adviser & [i]All-Around Good Gal![/i]
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno ([i]King[/i] of the World)
[b]Subject:[/b] Where is Dick Cheney?
Condi, where is Dick Cheney? I can't find him anywhere! He doesn't show-up at his office. He doesn't answer his cell-phone. He isn't even making his usual rounds of the Sunday morning talk shows, telling eveybody & anybody who will listen ([i]I guess his numbers are dropping[/i]) about the evil monster Saddam Hussein & how he had nuclear, chemical & biological [i]weapons-of-mass-destru ction[/i]-- [i]mushroom clouds [/i]that are going to wipe-out millions of [i]us[/i] ([i]well, not you, me, Dick, Rumsfeld or Wolfowitz[/i]) any moment now-- links with Al Qaida terrorists-- probably was behind 9/11-- and, how the world will not be safe until we have invaded Syria, Iran & everbody else who refuses to worship at the altar of [i]Capitalism-Bush-Style[ /i], and forces all of the Muslims in the Middle-East to give-up Islam and become [i]born-again [/i]Christians. So what, if most of it is un-true ... it [i]might[/i] be true ... [i]in an alternative universe, maybe[/i]?
Please arrange for a meeting between Dick, Karl (Rove), yourself and me, [i]ASAP[/i]-- because Bill Frist and Tom DeLay are telling Andy Card ([i]not ME, as I don't meet with anybody but you, Dick & Karl[/i]) that poor ole' Dick is becoming a liability and that perhaps we should find somebody else to run as my Veep in 2004! How about it, Condi? If you become my Veep, then Laura will stop wondering what you are doing at my side every minute of every day, and in every photo-op-- as it is clear that we[i] ain't [/i]discussing U.S. policy issues. I know some are saying that you are destined for Secretary of State-- Depend upon it, babe, you'll get a[i] top-job [/i]in 2004-- We need to get you out from under the National Security Agency: Why should you have had to read any of those [i]boring memos [/i]prior to 9/11, warning about Osama bin Laden's attacks upon America? Or, why should you now have to read any of those [i]boring reports [/i]regarding the problems in Iraq, just because I have named you responsible for the Iraqi Stabilization Group (ISG)? You're destined for a higher-calling, [i]my sweet [/i]Condi-- and shouldn't have to do any of the [i]boring grunge work [/i]in the "[i]bowels[/i]" of any agency! Hell, you don't think I bother with any of that crap, do you? Not with the SuperBowl coming up! We're going to have a [i]ball! ... Just don't tell Laura, okay?!$#%&!#$^**(?*&^![/i ]
Pop isn't too fond of Dick, anyway. He figures that James Baker will have to do some [i]house-cleaning[/i] in 2004, since the neo-cons have gotten us into a mess in Iraq ([i]call the New York Times & Washington Post and order them to censor the term: 'guerrilla quagmire' ... it is downright un-American and disloyal to ME[/i]) Don't worry about Afghanistan-- nobody gives a damn about Afghanistan, anyway-- Mind you, Dick is a loyal guy ([i]to me & Halliburton -- what else is important?[/i]), and I can't understand why those god-damned Iraqis don't want to be Christians anyway. After all, Tony Blair converted to Catholicism in England ... What's the big deal about those Muslims converting to Christianity?
At least, if they[i] become Christians[/i], they'll be able to join [i]our[/i] Global Corporate Empire, and exploit their slave classes and their oil resources ([i]like we exploit American serfs & natural resources[/i]), with impunity, and make hundreds billions of dollars in profits from defrauding workers, investors, and consumers. God Bless America!
Numero Uno.
P.S. You might try searching over at Halliburton's headquarters, where I've heard rumours that Cheney is picking out a new office & desk,[i] just in case[/i] ...
P.P.S. Rumour also has it that Cheney spends all of his time these days at fund-raisers gathering hundreds of millions of dollars from corporations and the wealthy top-dogs & fat-cats, to get [i]us[/i] re-elected in 2004 ... If so, see that Frist & DeLay nominate Dick for the [i]Congressional Medal of Honor[/i], [i]just in case [/i]... Loyalty? [i]Don't worry[/i], I'll always be loyal to [i]you [/i]Condi, even if I drop everybody else like [i]hot rocks[/i] ... and, [i]we both know [u]why[/u][/i], don't we!
P.P.P.S. I know you are too busy to read [i]boring memos[/i]-- so please confirm back that you got this one!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
Whither Cheney? by Jim Lobe, http://www.antiwar.com/ips/lo...
Below the Beltway, http://www.washingtonpost.com...
Best Laid Plans: Bush's Iraq Project is Right on Course:-- Saddam 2.0, http://www.counterpunch.org/f...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To John Ashcroft: Conspiracy by Liberal Media Scumbags |
| 12.26.03 (1:10 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] John Ashcroft
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno ([i]Born-Again [/i]Neo-Con Groupie #1)
[b]Subject:[/b] Conspiracy by Liberal Media Scumbags
Please contact Rupert Murdoch immediately and tell him to buy the U.K. Guardian Unlimited & other left-wing newspapers, and to fire the staff and replace them with[i] our [/i]people, [i]the right kind [/i]of people:-- Maybe that guy at Rupert's Fox News who really, really loves me and violently attacks anybody who dares to question anything I say ([i]Which one? [u]Anyone[/u], they are [u]ALL[/u] on [u]our[/u] side[/i]!) ... Or what about those wonderful [i]guys-and-dolls [/i]like Kristol over at the Weekly Standard or Coulter over at the WorldNetDaily ... Or maybe Rush Limbaugh could take it over, and make it part of his empire ... We could train a whole new generation of Limbaughic ventriloquests!
There is clearly a conspiracy by the liberal media scumbags to make me look [i]stupid[/i]-- [i]again[/i]. ([i]How dare they broadcast my speeches without wire-brushing my fumbling, bumbling and stumbling[/i]! After all, Rove has our team [i]changing our websites post facto [/i]replacing what I said, with what I meant to say in the first place!)
This afternoon, while Laura and Condi were comparing notes over [i]one-too-many gin-and-tonics[/i], I decided to have some fun and [i]surf [/i]the internet for "Hate & Destroy Howard Dean", "Hate & Destroy Saddam Hussein" and "Hate & Destroy Anybody Who Doesn't Worship [i]ME[/i]" web-sites ... However, I stumbled across the following[i][b] 2003: End of year news quiz[/b][/i] in the U.K. Guardian Unlimited on http://www.guardian.co.uk/qui...,5961,1112644,00.html .
Hell, I couldn't answer [i]A SINGLE [/i]of the [i]QUESTIONS RIGHT[/i]! This is a liberal conspiracy to embarrass me, alright! Instead, they should've asked relevant questions, such as: Who is the Queen of England? What Country Do I Live In? What is the Name of My Wife? ... I could've answered any of these questions [i]right[/i]-- but these [i]tricky[/i] liberals are trying to fool me with [i]trick questions[/i].
John, we've got to stop these [i]tricky-dicks [/i]with their [i]trick questions [/i]before things get[i] out of hand[/i], and the American people think I'm [i]stupid[/i]. Cheney, Condi & Rove have'em all thinking I'm a goddamn [i]GENIUS[/i] (which [i]WE ARE[/i], of course!) and we just can't allow these un-American leftist marxists to change the minds of folks ... At least, not before next November.
Maybe Cheney's wife Lynne, over at the neo-con American Enterprise Institute, and/or our neo-con buddies over at the Heritage Foundation, can get the funds needed to do to the newspapers what Reagan & Pop did to the radio stations:-- get rid of [i]any-and-all [/i]of these liberal media scumbags & replace 'em [i]all[/i] with [i]our[/i] own [i]kind[/i].
Numero Uno.
P.S. By the way, remind me, Is Laura or Condi the Name of My Wife? ... Oh, and is Crawford a Country? ... And, is the Queen of England that fella Prince Charles slept with?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
2003: End of year news quiz, http://www.guardian.co.uk/qui...,5961,1112644,00.html
Corrupt Bush White House Covers-Up Their Sordid & Squalid Track-Record ..., http://www.tblog.com/template...
Charles continues tour amid claims, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk...
Rupert Murdoch: Bigger than Kane, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To Karl Rove: Mad Cow Disease |
| 12.24.03 (10:15 am) [edit] |
[b]To: [/b]Karl Rove
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno (See, I [i]Can [/i]Speak Spanish!)
[b]Subject: [/b]Mad Cow Disease
When I heard about the Mad Cow Disease outbreak in the U.S., I thought the liberal scumbags were making fun of Condi for bungling 9/11 and authorizing me to lie to the country about Iraq's phony WMDs ... Whew, I'm glad it's those other cows. That's a relief!
But the DOW is dipping as stock-prices for McDonald, Restaurants and the Beef Industry dropped today. We've got to do something about this ... I need those hefty campaign checks to keep rolling in from my corporate cronies.
Why don't we tell everybody that the cows caught the disease from Al Qaida terrorists ([i]it ain't the fault of the de-regulated Beef Industry, who feed offal to the cows instead of grain, is it![/i]), but that in our infinite wisdom, John Ashcroft and Tom Ridge have arrested all these Ay-rab terrorists who are trying to wreck our economy. (See, we can blame terrorists for causing Mad Cow Disease and on the looming economic fiasco, coming soon.)
Also, Karl, tell our attack-dogs and court-jesters at World Net Daily, Fox News and the Weekly Standard (also, get Rumsfeld to call his buddy, Safire) that our U.S. troops will be having beef for Christmas. (Get Cheney to contact his buddies at Halliburton to buy-up all the beef they can, and ship it off to Iraq). The rush on beef should cause the stock-market to go back up! Ain't I smart? They shouldn't mis-under-estimate me, huh?
By the way, Laura, Condi and I will be having crab cakes and pork chops for Christmas dinner this year. Yum, Yum, Yum!
Numero Uno.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
U.S. Probes How Cow Contracted Disease - U.S. Officials Look to Find Out Where Wash. State Cow Infected With Mad Cow Disease Was Born, http://abcnews.go.com/wire/Li...
Blue Chips Dip; Mad Cow Kicks McDonald's, http://www.reuters.com/newsAr...
Contractor (Halliburton) served troops dirty food in dirty kitchens, http://www.taipeitimes.com/Ne...
A White House Christmas: Crab Cakes, Handshakes, http://www.nytimes.com/2003/1...
White House Faulted on Uranium Claim - Intelligence Warnings Disregarded, President's Advisory Board Says, http://www.washingtonpost.com...
High-Ranking Officials Admit 9/11 Could've Been Prevented, http://www.thememoryhole.org/...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To Tony Blair: Our Relationship |
| 12.23.03 (4:37 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Tony Blair
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno (And Don't You Dare Forget It!)
[b]Subject:[/b] Our Relationship
Tony, Tony, Tony:
When will you learn that Numero Uno gets the photo-ops before Numero 10 (sorry, but Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rove, Condi, Card, Wolfowitz, Ahmed Chalabi, Kenny-boy Lay of Enron, and the entire Carlyle Group ALL COME FIRST!). I may pull another surprise visit to Iraq over the Christmas holidays (this time I'll dress-up as Santa and I can use the same plastic turkey prop I used during my Thanksgiving Day stunt ... Cheney and Rove are also fitting me up with a big bag of phony gifts (empty boxes wrapped-up with X-mas paper & bows) for the troops ... Won't that be a laugh! Ho ho ho!). So you will just have to wait until I've exploited these gotcha' visits for all they're worth! After all, nobody is watching you anyway!
Tony, Tony, Tony:
And: Why do you waste your time worrying about what "Old Europe" thinks? After all these old "has-beens" are the Wussy Weaklings and I am Mr. Strong Top-Gun. I've proved that: After all, I have invaded Iraq, and stuck my sticky-fingers in the eyes of France, Germany, Russia and China, who were stupid enough to defy my wishes. Now it is pay-back time, and I just luv pay-back time. You might want to ask Joseph Wilson and his wife, Valerie Plame, about pay-back.
By the way, is China in "Old Europe"? Condi is out shopping at the moment (I'll ask her when she gets back to make sure that you are giving me the right answer.)
Tony, Tony, Tony:
You run this puny little island off the coast of France, for god's sake ... I mean: Who gives a damn about the froggies? Who gives a damn about the gerrys? Who gives a damn about the ruskies? Who gives a damn about the chinks?
I give a damn about the real, real, real important people who really, really, really run the world: my buddies at Halliburton, Bechtel, Carlyle Group, Unocal, Lockheed Martin ... Ah, hell, I'll get Dick (Cheney) to send you the list. By the way, my new best friend Walden O'Dell, chief executive of Diebold Electronic Election Systems Inc. is coming along nicely, and intends to get those votes counted [u]right[/u] in 2004.
So watch out Tony. I'll be around for another 5 years, at least.
If you aren't careful I might decide to move into Buckingham Palace (I liked playing King when I was over there ... it's kind of nice being royalty) and rule England as well as the U.S. Colonies from over there! After all, your Mad King George blew it! I won't let 'em revolt this time: I've got John Ashcroft, Don Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz. And if that doesn't scare you, I'll have Cheney, Condi and Rove pay you a little visit.
Numero Uno.
P.S. Let's do dinner next time you are in Crawford.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
BUSH AND BLAIR: THE BIG FALL-OUT Relations in 'deep freeze' since Saddam caught, http://www.sundaymirror.co.uk...
The Valerie Plame Affair, http://www.ospolitics.org/usa...
China sides with France, Germany, Russia in opposing Iraq war, http://abc.net.au/news/newsit...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To Dick Cheney & Josh Bolten: Real Recession Not Planned Until 2005 |
| 12.22.03 (9:46 am) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Dick Cheney & Josh Bolten
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Number Uno (Corporate America Agrees)
[b]Subject:[/b] Real Recession Not Planned [i]Until [/i]2005
Hey, Dick & Josh ... Good Job Guys!
Oh what a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year we are all going to have this year! I'm planning a feast of crab cakes, pork chops and all kinds of other goodies, while our U.S. Troops in Iraq are being fed old, stale, moldy & rotting food by Halliburton -- Those poor dumb suckers in the U.S. military: hell, they didn't even know that my turkey was a phony plastic prop! Refer to My Memo Regarding Dinner Menus: http://www.tblog.com/template... (You did fix that little problem, didn't you Dick? After all, I don't want Halliburton to suffer from any more bad publicity.)
Great idea to spur spending by letting our corporate campaign contributors write-off (is it at 60% yet?) a huge percentage of their capital investment in new machinery. Why shouldn't the average American taxpayer subsidize corporations? After all, what is good for corporations and me, is good for America, right! Do you think that will make a good campaign slogan for us in 2004? Run it by Karl, Dick.
Once the initial investment is over-and-done-with however, (what with the off-shoring of jobs, and all), then the spending will slow down again, and we will face a deep recession and higher unemployment. The GDP is not producing more jobs, but so what, so long as those fat productivity improvements produce profits that Halliburton, Nabisco, Bechtel, Tyson Foods, Carlyle Group, Lockheed Martin, and all of our other many, many corporate friends can "cash-in" on and then they'll give us those nice fat campaign checks! Hurray! Maybe we can wage another war ... ooopppsss, Karl said not until after the election-- boy, if we could just bomb the hell out of Iran, Syria & North Korea-- just think of the building contracts that our buddies at Halliburton can rake-in, as well as all that extra armaments & military equipment we buy from Pop's Carlyle Group, Lockheed Martin, Bechtel and the rest.
If we can only make sure that spending and growth lasts through November 2004, we are home free!
So here are your marching orders: Get those huge tax deductions for corporations pushed-thru [i]ASAP[/i], to make their capital investments by the 1st quarter 2004 ... And, don't forget: the Real Recession is Not Planned [i]Until[/i] 2005!
Numero Uno.
P.S. Do you think anyone will notice that we're still losing jobs, health care is a mess, and that poverty and homelessness is skyrocketing? I better write Karl a memo. God, I work so hard.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources[/b]:
Contractor served troops dirty food in dirty kitchens, http://www.taipeitimes.com/Ne...
Tax bill may steer year-end plan - Make most of money by knowing new law, http://www.sunherald.com/mld/...
Analysts: Future Budget Outlook Gloomy, http://www.centredaily.com/ml...
Administration plan to cut deficit by 'half' is exercise in new math., http://www.tcpalm.com/tcp/pj_...,1651,TCP_1125_2518489,00 .html
Bush's Five-Year Plan - The Issue: President says deficit could shrink by half. Our View: It seems to be more of a wish than a plan., http://www.courierpress.com/e...,1626,ECP_768_2518700,00.html
Corporate America's Worst-Kept Secret, Businesses are off-shoring even more jobs, though you won't hear them talk about it, http://money.netscape.cnn.com...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To Karl Rove: Please Expose the Wife of Dr. Paul Krugman |
| 12.21.03 (6:20 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Karl, My Dear Buddy, My Own Joseph Goebbles
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno (Remind Rumsfeld Of That Fact)
[b]Subject:[/b] Please Expose the Wife of Dr. Paul Krugman
Hey, we got away with the exposure of Joseph Wilson's CIA wife. Wives shouldn't work as undercover agents anyway. It is downright Un-American. Please do the same smear-job and expose Dr. Paul Krugman's wife:
1. If she is not an undercover CIA agent, then maybe someone will believe that she is, and get her "dead or alive"! Maybe we can say that she is linked to Valerie Plame. Oh, oh, oh-- maybe we can say that they are lesbians.
2. If she is an undercover CIA agent, then maybe we can get Ashcroft, Tenet & Chalabi over to interrogate her. Yeah, throw her in the same cell with Saddam Hussein. Ooopppsss, bad idea, she might find out about Pop's, Cheney's & Rumsfeld's secret orgies with Saddam Hussein, when they gave him the go-ahead to gas the Kurds ... or was it the Shias ... or was it both?
3. If he is not married, get back to me, okay Karl? Maybe, we'll get lucky and he'll be gay. Oh, oh, oh-- Maybe we'll get lucky and his gay partner will be an undercover CIA agent. We'll hit the trifecta ... oh no, that is when there are 3 things ... we'll have a double whammy!
Get your buddy Bob Novak, ah he might not want to be a sneaky-leak again. You can always rely on Bill Safire (he's having dinner with Rumsfeld tonight) or Krauthammer or Kristol or Limbaugh or Coulter-- Hell, with Lynne Cheney at the American Enterprise Institute, we can spread it around like peanut butter on a hot day.
I can't stand that Krugman. Look at him-- how dare he say that the economic system in the good ole' USA keeps most people from rising above the economic class to which they are born into, and that it is getting harder to succeed-- those goddamn statistics and research studies-- they just cause a lot of problems. It figures, that he comes from that leftist liberal scum-bag Princeton University. At Yale, the Skull-and-Boners taught me different.
Condi can't stand him either, and you know I get all my intelligence from my gal Condi. How dare he say we live in an economic class system. Look at me, I made it all on my own, with no help from anybody!
Numero Uno.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Source:[/b]
The Death of Horatio Alger by Dr. Paul Krugman, http://www.thenation.com/doc....
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice and Rove: Regarding Dinner Menus |
| 12.21.03 (12:22 pm) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Dick, Don, Condi and Karl
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Number Uno (In Case You Forget Who Is Really In Charge)
[b]Subject:[/b] Dinner Menus
It has come to my attention that Halliburton has been serving rotten and spoiled food, in dirty and squalid conditions to our U.S. troops in Iraq.
How dare you let Andy Card spoil my lunch with this minor and insignificant detail! Hell, if it ain't on the front pages of the N.Y. Times or Washington Post, don't bother me with it-- I want to keep my fond memories of the lavish banquets that Laura, you Condi, and I enjoyed together with the Queen unspoiled.
Laura and I will be planning our dinner menus this afternoon, and we are looking forward to some fine eating this Christmas and New Year holiday. You got any of those pheasant available, that you shot on your taxpayer-paid holiday, Dick?
Please take the following actions:
1. Be sure that Halliburton is reimboursed for any unpleasantness and bad publicity, after all, we are not certain (nor will we be, right? you got me? you understand? i don't need to spell it out, right?) anyone actually died of food poisoning. This one is yours Karl.
2. Be sure that no one stole that plastic turkey prop we used on Thanksgiving Day. It might come in handy if I decide to make a little photo-op...ooopppsss, visit to Walter Reed over the holidays. This one is yours Condi, as I want you in all the pics. You are so cute Condi and the press just loves you.
3. Find out if Halliburton needs more funds to provide our troops with those frozen TV turkey dinners for Christmas and New Year (Or, can we recycle the oversold items shipped in on Thanksgiving Day-So what if they were thawed out- A little mold won't hurt a REAL MAN). Just think Dick, of what we'll make if we buy 'em at $3.00 a shot from Tyson Foods (Dad, Neil & Jeb have got interests in Tyson Foods, and they are big campaign contributors) and sell 'em to the U.S. military at $250.00 a shot. Condi, you tell me what that'll add up to. Dick, you get DeLay & Frist to come up with the moolah. They'll do anything for an invite to the White House.
Oh, yeah, and them Oreo cookies that we're buying at $.95 a packet, let's sell 'em to the U.S. military for $75.00 a packet (Me & Laura just got a whole lot of support from Nabisco and they've promised a big-funder raiser next year) Condi, you do the math, okay sweetie.
Karl, you just tell our media lap-dogs and poodles that it is our nation's Christmas gift to the troops.
After all, nothing is too good for our men and women in the U.S. military. Yummy!
Numero Uno.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
Contractor served troops dirty food in dirty kitchens, http://www.taipeitimes.com/Ne...
Boycotting Bush, http://www.sydneypeace.com/bo...
Public Citizen, Tyson Food Campaign Contributions to Bush, http://www.commondreams.org/n...
Senator defends Cheney's pheasant hunt, http://www.philly.com/mld/phi...
|
|
|
| |
| Bush Memo To Neo-Cons: 9/11 happened -- What's the big deal? |
| 12.21.03 (7:10 am) [edit] |
[b]To:[/b] Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, Condi Rice, Paul Wolfowitz
[b]From:[/b] Dubya, Numero Uno (Don't Forget That's Me)
[b]Subject:[/b] 9/11 Bruhahahahahahhahahahahha ha!
What the hell is Tom Kean thinking? The bastard is the former Republican governor from New Jersey. He's supposed to be on our side! He's supposed to know which on which side his bread is buttered, as Mom used to say! He's from the state of the mafia families- They know how to keep secrets! That's why we appointed him-- Tell him to get his ass in gear or else ...
9/11 happened. Tell Rush (Limbaugh's off the drugs now, right?) to tell his sub-normal I.Q. listeners to tell the liberal scum-bags to GET OVER IT. And tell those irritating 9/11 families to STOP THEIR WHINING. Who cares if we knew or didn't know? So much good has come out of it since then, what with our "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, huh Dick! (Oh, yeah, please give Halliburton a ring and tell 'em I was just kidding about reimboursing the U.S. government.)
What's the big deal? It happened - so what - that's yesterday's news. I don't want the folks back home to think about it unless I tell 'em to think about it. Jeez, what is all this rubbish about finding out the truth anyway? Sounds like more from the pro-terrorism leftist liberals, doesn't it Karl ... Check with Ashcroft to see if we can send these whiners off to Guatmo Bay (along with the U.S. Federal Appeals Court judges)!
They are saying that 9/11 could have been prevented. You all know what we knew - and we knew what we know we knew - ya' know!
Like I told that air-head Diane Sawyer on that ABC interview (*!@$%^&* she made me look damn good, didn't she *!@$%^&*), when she asked about Saddam Hussein's WMD and I said: "[i]What's the difference?...If he wants to acquire weapons, that would be the danger...And so we got rid of him[/i]." And she didn't even bother to follow-up on our case for war made on the pretext that he [u]did have 'em[/u] - ho ho ho *!@$%^&* what a bunch of suckers! (Oh, by the way, Condi: Tell Andy to get an invite ready for Diane & her hubby to come to dinner with you and Laura. Paul, she wants to sit next to you-- I think she's got a little crush on you, you lucky devil! Oh, Condi, I want you next to me, as usual.)
Just get our buddies at the Weekly Standard, AEI and World Net Daily to get the word out. 9/11 happened: GET OVER IT!
By the way what ever happened to those morning NSA briefing memos? Don't my good brothers Neil & Jeb have shares in those new-fangled, high-volume shredding machines? Get some in, quick!
Numero Uno.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
Panel: 9/11 Attacks Could Have Been Prevented, http://www.cato.org/dispatch/...
Kean Says 9/11 Attacks Could Have Been Prevented, http://www.washingtonpost.com...
Soft News, http://www.tompaine.com/featu...
|
|
|
| |
| Merry Christmas, Dick Cheney! |
| 12.21.03 (7:08 am) [edit] |
[i][b]Merry Christmas, Dick Cheney![/b][/i]
You have done very well in 2003. Your income is over $945,051 and you will pay proportionally less in federal income tax than your secretary making less than $40,000. And with your tax-deferred income from Halliburton you can take more hunting trips this next year, as you did in the days following 9/11, and shoot game trapped in fenced-up pens. The beauty is that you can write these trips off as a business expense!
Halliburton has a nice executive position on their Board of Directors waiting for you, upon retirement. They also have jobs for your wife, daughters, son-in-law and grandchildren. Oh, Condi just informed me that Bechtel, Lockheed Martin, Chevron, Exxon-Mobil, Carlyle Group, BP, Unocal, and the rest of the gang, all want you to join them too. You'll be a busy guy!
Halliburton is grateful for the $5 billion contracts in Iraq. How did you swing the no-bids, no-audits and no-reporting back to Congress? (I want to know for future reference, since me, Dad, Neil & Jeb have got some ideas for expanding our business interests in the Middle East. We're meeting with Ahmed Chalabi, the Saudis & the bin Ladens over the holidays, and you're welcome to join us. Get in on the action, while the getting is good!) Their Directors are getting big bonuses this Christmas, while they serve the U.S. Soldiers rotting food: ho ho ho *!@$%^&* the joke is on these poor suckers in the military! (You and I were smarter, weren't we, Dick!)
Don't worry about your Christmas stocking: more is on the way! The important gifts have already been doled out by me this year to you, Dad, Neil, Jeb and my gal Condi. And the wonderful thing is that the American taxpayers are footing the bill: ho ho ho *!@$%^&* the joke is on these poor working fools! (Ah, the joys of legacy affirmative action!)
So look for another great year in 2004! Next year's stocking stuffers should be even better!
Merry Christmas, Dick Cheney!
From: Santa Dubya
* * * * * * * * * * * * * [i]satire based on facts [/i]* * * * * * * * * * * * *
[b]Topical Sources:[/b]
French official examines possible Cheney prosecution: paper, http://www.smh.com.au/article...
Vice President Dick Cheney and Mrs. Cheney Release 2002 Income Tax Return, http://www.whitehouse.gov/new...
Halliburton overcharged Govt on Iraq contracts, http://www.expressindia.com/f...
Contractor served troops dirty food in dirty kitchens, http://www.taipeitimes.com/Ne...
Cheney arrives in search of Pennsylvania game, http://www.post-gazette.com/b...
|
|
|
| |
|
|
